remodeling this life

Drew and I were snuggling on the couch last night and somehow it came up about mommy being happy. I asked her if she thinks I’m happy. She replied yes, of course! Then I asked what makes me happy and she replied “Me and Daddy and Eli. Oh…and me not making messes!”

She is one smart cookie. I guess I’m doing something right since she didn’t name anything material

I used to live in a big house, I was a working mom while hubby stayed home with our daughter, and I spent money on anything and everything.

What in the world happened to me?

Reality, I guess.

I loved working at my job until my daughter was born. After that, I spent everyday wishing I was home with her instead of at work. I didn’t care what it took, I wanted to be home with her. And here I am. 1500 miles away. A lot less money. 2 kids. A simple life. And a lot more happiness than I ever imagined.

I have to remind myself sometimes of what life was like then. I got up at 6:30 everyday to be at work and I was home by 5 to see our daughter for a few short hours before bedtime. I had to hear about first roll-overs and first smiles and first steps and first words from my husband. I had to miss so many things.

While I was missing those things, I was filling my life with other stuff I thought I needed to be happy. I shopped all the time for new clothes, I spent a lot of money on food, travel, whatever my heart desired really. I thought all those things were making me successful, envied, wonderful, fabulous and happy but they weren’t.

I lived in a big stark house with white walls that I didn’t have the time or energy to decorate and put any effort into. I just went to work and came home for dinner and sleep.

Today, I have found that not only being with my daughter and now my son too, has brought me the happiness and fulfillment that I expected, but I have found so many other wonderful things along the way.

I now live by the beach. I used to hate the beach. All that icky salt water? Not for me. I grew up vacationing at a lake in Upstate NY and spending my summers in Algonquin Park in Canada. I was a lake girl. No need for the ocean. Now, here I am living just a few short miles from the wonder that is the Atlantic Ocean. I love that I have within my reach something so vast and amazing. I love that I can go somewhere that immediately feels like a sweet escape even if it’s only 3 miles from my home.

I live in a small house, one that oozes love and charm and character because I have the time, energy and desire to make it that way. I have learned from this home to appreciate so much, and that living simply is living beautifully.

I am not who I was 2 1/2 years ago when I left my job. The job that made me feel important. The one that paid our bills. The one that was entirely thankless and I was forgotten the day I walked out the door. The job I do know is very much a thankless one too, but I think in the years to come the kids who don’t know it yet will appreciate all that their parents do for them today. I am fortunate enough now to have a hubby who is pretty good at telling me how lucky he is to have me raising our kids and making sure they grow up happy and healthy.

So much in life is unexpected. My life today is completely that – unexpected. But appreciated and valued. It’s worth more than any paying job I could do.

So, what happened to me? My kids happened. This move happened. This house happened. And I couldn’t be more grateful.

My brother and his new wife just spent 10 days visiting sunny Florida. They stayed at my parents’ house and I got to visit them a few times. I would’ve liked to have seen them more but I was sick for that few days and didn’t want to get them sick too so we stayed huddled up at home.

I love my brother. I light up at the mention of his name, I can’t help but smile when I see him, laugh when he talks, and listen to his advice. I admire him so much for who he is. He is absolutely without question the most down-to-earth and true to himself person I know. He’s friendly to everyone he meets. He stands up for what he believes in.

My brother is such an individual. Nothing about him is anything but Andy. He refuses to conform to what others expect him to dress like, look like, act like. And all the while, people just love him. I have learned so much from him over the 29 years I’ve been alive. We are only 16 months apart in age and were often mistaken for twins growing up. That was probably helped by the fact that he was held back a grade in 5th grade so we were in the same grade for years.

I am going to share some things I have learned from my brother, some of the more important lessons he’s taught me through example.

1. All people are equal – he used to get in fights in middle and high school because he’d get made fun of by ignorant kids because his best friends were black. I know that he’s learned by now that beating people up isn’t the way to get them to listen to you. But he has always shown a passion for standing up for what is right and fighting for what he believes in. Now he just does it a little more civilly.

2. Don’t be a follower – live your own life, live it well and be happy with who you are. I will never forget the 3 months in high school that my brother didn’t talk to me. Not one word. After he found out that I had gone out to a concert with friends and gotten drunk and been smoking cigarettes. To him, I was doing what everyone expected in an effort to be cool (and he was right) and he had no tolerance for me being an idiot in order to be liked. That 3 months was hell. I was embarrassed that I had behaved so stupidly to try to make insignificant people like me and in the process made my best friend dislike me.

3. Show your love – when I see my brother with his wife, I think he’s amazing. He’s the perfect combination of loving but goofy, he takes care of her without being overbearing. He always thinks of her first for everything. That is how marriage should be. Putting the other person first and making sure they are shown everyday how much you love and appreciate them.

4. Laugh at yourself - NEVER take yourself too seriously. This is above all else the single biggest thing I got from growing up with him. He’s not obnoxious but he likes to make fun of people and he’s sarcastic and goofy. If you trip, he’ll laugh. That kind of thing. He makes the mundane hilarious and shows me how to smile and laugh through life even when things are bad.

Those are the big things. He’s special, my brother. I’m lucky to have him in my life showing that everything doesn’t have to be conventional and happiness can come when you are true to yourself and put a smile on your face. It becomes contagious.