remodeling this life

Patience is a virtue that I really haven’t had much of in my life. I get this from my father. There are many stories from my childhood that relate to his lack of patience. Some are quite funny and others are not at all.

I know very well about myself that I am lacking in this fabulous trait and I work hard everyday to find more of it within myself. Especially now that I am a mother. I find that if there is one thing a parent needs, it is patience. Kids do things very slowly, as any parent knows. They eat slowly, they pee slowly, they get dressed slowly.

Not only that, but they are little wonderful people that are still enamored and mesmerized by the little stuff in life. So, they’re ready to slow down and check out blades of grass and look at elis, and show me shapes they see in the clouds. All while I am racing to the car to strap them into their carseats and race off to do errands, too busy to stop and savor some small moments. I find myself blocking out the constant chatter in the car, dismissing little questions about a big world, and not realizing how important those things are to little lives.

I’ve started trying to slow down, take deep breaths, take shorter strides (anyone who’s seen this nearly 6 foot tall lady walk knows I don’t stroll), and look around more. I have started to notice things that I didn’t before. Not only is it helping my parenting, which it is, dramatically, but it is also transferring to other areas of my life.

Being patient on a smaller scale in the everyday little stuff has suddenly turned into being patient with much bigger stuff too. Like the house remodeling progress, saving money, being frugal…all of those things that make up the foundation for our future. I have talked before about how being frugal makes me a better person and it’s true, being frugal makes me exhibit patience. Or is it that now that I am more patient, I find it much easier to be frugal? It may just be the latter. I am able like never before to see the ramifications of my actions today and how they’ll make for a better tomorrow for me and my family. Making sound financial decisions today when we’re already standing on a pretty decent foundation is going to pay off for us, I know. I am in a generation that lacks patience. But I can see the damage it is and is going to continue to do to people and I refuse to be one of them. Just call me defiant and contrary.

I am still very much a person who lives for today. I am impulsive. I live life with my arms wide open and my heart on my sleeve. Maybe it’s motherhood, maybe it’s maturity, it’s probably a combination of many things, but whatever it is…I’ve slowed down a bit. I’ve started finding that balance in living life to the fullest each day but also looking toward tomorrow. For the first time, I have a future that I can see and I have big dreams that need to be filled for myself and my family. A little patience today is going to get us there.

I had one of those evenings. A few hours where I just was able to slow down and look at the life I have going on and appreciate it. My hubby came home and said he’d make dinner and clean up (and even though he fell asleep on the couch before the kitchen was clean it’s the thought that counts, right?) and he told me he arranged a credit at a landscaping place in town and I have the afternoon tomorrow to go pick out plants/trees/flowers for the yard and house. I am not sure what I am more excited about – the landscaping or the shopping by myself

The kids have been so great. Drew put on a princess dress tonight and her princess high heels and grabbed some flowers from a vase and said to her daddy “will you be my valentine and marry me?” and Eli – well, he’s tired today because he barely napped but he’s just been so cute and snuggly.

Hubby – well, he’s been great too. He’s tired. He’s worked so hard for so long. He gives all of himself to everything he does. And then comes home to offer as much as he has left to his family in smiles and giggles and games and love.

Putting the kids to bed tonight I had that overwhelming feeling of how lucky I am. How fortunate I am to have two very healthy and happy kids and a loving and hardworking husband. As I read books with Drew and snuggled in the rocking chair with Eli I thought of how every moment could be my last. Or their last. In life you just never know. And I have my times of being frustrated and just wanting time for myself or just wanting them to go to bed sooner or whatever. But I let all that go and I just enjoyed it. Enjoyed the snuggles and hugs and stories and giggles and forgot about anything other than just being what they needed. With the thoughts in my mind “what if this is the last time I ever read her a story?” or “what if this is the last time I ever snuggle my son?” and “what if I never get to tell him I love him again?” I made sure it was special. It made me stop and slow down and remember what is really important. Why I am here. What time my kids go to bed doesn’t matter. I just want them to know they are loved. Know that their mom would do anything for them. I want my baby girl to remember me brushing her hair and singing her songs before bed. I want my baby boy to remember me giggling with him and carrying him around showing him the amazing things there are to see in the world.

I can’t ever be sure they’ll remember me for those things if this day were my last. But I tried. I can only give them a footprint. A part of me to remember. I vow to make that me a smiling and appreciative me. A me that would do anything for them and give anything for them. A me that loves them more than anything else in the world and appreciates them for all that they are and all that they dream to be.

I know here in the blogging world, I can find plenty of people living simple and frugal lives and it’s comforting to find people who do so stylishly and with grace. In real life, I have fabulous friends. Really, I could not be more blessed with the friendships I’ve formed since we moved almost 2 years ago (I still can’t believe it’s been that long – sometimes I have to stop myself when I am about to say we’ve lived her for 6 months – time certainly does fly when you’re slaving away on a remodel and raising kids having fun).

I’ve always been a wee bit shy. I know people who *know* me laugh when I say that, but seriously, I am. Well, maybe shy isn’t the right word. It takes me some time to warm up to new people and new situations. I tend to sit back and observe and get my bearings before diving into a conversation with new people. I’ve always been okay with having a few friends and never really feel the need to go out of my way to make more. But in the past few months, I’ve sort of outgrown that. I like meeting new people and even if they aren’t going to be my best friend, I enjoy laughing and talking with people like I wouldn’t have been comfortable doing even a year ago. Maybe it’s maturity, my own growth into a bit more confident and easygoing person. But whatever it is, it has really added to my life.

I have a circle of about a dozen good friends here. Which is really astonishing in relation to the rest of my adult life. I’ve really just had a few scattered friends that I would see a few times a year. I suppose for the mild extrovert that I am, I wasn’t living up to my full friend potential before

So here I am with this wonderful and diverse and totally unexpected group of friends. We all come from different backgrounds and we all are in different places in our lives. I love hearing their stories and their ideas and their ways of life. Last night I went to a girls’ night out. We were all sitting around and trying not to talk about our kids while being away from our kids. We talked about houses and shoes and decor and men and running, all sorts of fun stuff.

Now these friends are cool, I love them all. But sometimes I feel like we just live in totally different worlds. My life isn’t typical by any means but it’s certainly not bad. It’s just *simple*. A friend confided in me last night that they are putting their house up for sale. She said that since they moved here – they came from California and bought a huge house because they couldn’t believe how much house you could get for your money here as opposed to out there in the Bay Area – they have come to realize that just because they can afford their nice big house doesn’t mean they need a big house. She even went so far as to say that she loves my cute little simple home and that she has come to see the value of living with less by choice. I was very comforted. Sometimes it feels lonely living small and simple and frugally when others around me aren’t.

I’m glad to have a friend who’s looking to join me in downsizing, living a smaller life and loving it. She said I’d brought her over to the dark side. I told her she might just find that it’s much brighter over here than she thinks.