remodeling this life

I know here in the blogging world, I can find plenty of people living simple and frugal lives and it’s comforting to find people who do so stylishly and with grace. In real life, I have fabulous friends. Really, I could not be more blessed with the friendships I’ve formed since we moved almost 2 years ago (I still can’t believe it’s been that long – sometimes I have to stop myself when I am about to say we’ve lived her for 6 months – time certainly does fly when you’re slaving away on a remodel and raising kids having fun).

I’ve always been a wee bit shy. I know people who *know* me laugh when I say that, but seriously, I am. Well, maybe shy isn’t the right word. It takes me some time to warm up to new people and new situations. I tend to sit back and observe and get my bearings before diving into a conversation with new people. I’ve always been okay with having a few friends and never really feel the need to go out of my way to make more. But in the past few months, I’ve sort of outgrown that. I like meeting new people and even if they aren’t going to be my best friend, I enjoy laughing and talking with people like I wouldn’t have been comfortable doing even a year ago. Maybe it’s maturity, my own growth into a bit more confident and easygoing person. But whatever it is, it has really added to my life.

I have a circle of about a dozen good friends here. Which is really astonishing in relation to the rest of my adult life. I’ve really just had a few scattered friends that I would see a few times a year. I suppose for the mild extrovert that I am, I wasn’t living up to my full friend potential before

So here I am with this wonderful and diverse and totally unexpected group of friends. We all come from different backgrounds and we all are in different places in our lives. I love hearing their stories and their ideas and their ways of life. Last night I went to a girls’ night out. We were all sitting around and trying not to talk about our kids while being away from our kids. We talked about houses and shoes and decor and men and running, all sorts of fun stuff.

Now these friends are cool, I love them all. But sometimes I feel like we just live in totally different worlds. My life isn’t typical by any means but it’s certainly not bad. It’s just *simple*. A friend confided in me last night that they are putting their house up for sale. She said that since they moved here – they came from California and bought a huge house because they couldn’t believe how much house you could get for your money here as opposed to out there in the Bay Area – they have come to realize that just because they can afford their nice big house doesn’t mean they need a big house. She even went so far as to say that she loves my cute little simple home and that she has come to see the value of living with less by choice. I was very comforted. Sometimes it feels lonely living small and simple and frugally when others around me aren’t.

I’m glad to have a friend who’s looking to join me in downsizing, living a smaller life and loving it. She said I’d brought her over to the dark side. I told her she might just find that it’s much brighter over here than she thinks.

I’ve been doing a lot of reminiscing about the past couple of years this week. Monkey is turning one next week. When Bug was his age, this time 2 1/2 years ago, we were about to close on our house 1500 miles away and begin a new life adventure. We had no clue what was in store for the next 2 years. Things were crazy. We lived in a couple different places, there was a lot of time of being unsettled, marital problems, and throw into the mix this perfect little guy that we created along the way. It hasn’t been easy. But when I think back on it, I think that all of those things, as I think all things, happen for a reason.

Having my family nearly broken, raising my kids alone for some time, living with a lot of discomfort and difficulty for a while – well, all of that has made me change how I think about a lot of my life. It’s made me slow down and appreciate things more. It’s made me take a good hard look at what my values are, what my needs really are, and in the process figure out what my wants are as well. And the results have been surprising. Mostly, I feel eternally grateful that what was hopefully rock bottom in my life happened when I was young. I got to have a change of heart and vision while having plenty of time left to make changes and really live the simple and fulfilling life that I deserve.

I don’t need a lot of stuff. Or a lot of friends. Or an elaborate social life. I just need my perfect little family to be together. I need my kids to have a comfortable and stable home. I need friends who add value to my life. Size and number of things doesn’t matter.

I know a lot of people, myself included, think of *things* when they think of simplifying. Get rid of unneeded stuff. Sure, that helps. It’s a great start. It’s even on my list of 10 ways to simplify your life. When it comes to things, well, that can be a battle. It’s hard to let go of stuff. Stuff we have attachments to. Stuff we have that signify people and places and events. But when you have memories, well why have the stuff too? I admit, I have held onto some things that have value to me simply because they came from a departed loved one. But I’ve let go of a lot of other things that just in reality didn’t need to be physically in my life in order to represent a person, place or time in my life. I have those things in my head and heart and that’s what matters.

But it doesn’t end there. I find that the hugest drains on my life aren’t things at all. People have deterred me from simplicity. Situations have deterred me from it as well. I just have to take baby steps toward eliminating those things that create stress, make things harder and most of all just less fun for me. This can be distancing myself from friends or family and situations that take much and give little in return. A big part of that is learning to and then continuing to just say no when something doesn’t work for me. I find myself trying to please too many people too often and in the process lose sight of my own needs. When my number one job in this world right now is wife and mother, I need to be happy and comfortable and as stress-free as possible so I can do that job best and be for my kids and husband what they need.

When I put it in those terms for myself, it’s easy to let go of everything else. Because they are surely worth it.