remodeling this life

Yesterday, I posted a list of 10 Things to Eliminate from Your Life Today. Today, I thought I’d share some things to make sure are part of your life for finding some semblance of happiness and sanity.

1. Exercise – You don’t have to win an ironman, just start moving more.
2. Time just for you - it doesn’t have to be extravagant, but setting aside even just 10 minutes with no distractions that is all for you to do what you please with no one else demanding anything of you, take it. Everyday.
3. A hobby – if you don’t already have something that you love to do and is your way to escape, find something. And make sure you make time to do it.
4. Good friends – no you don’t have to go out and make new ones. But connect with the ones you have. Put a smile on their face. Pick up the phone and say hello and that you are thinking of them. Keep them in your life to add value to theirs and yours.
5. Risk-taking – be bold, take a chance, let go of your fear of failure and try something new!
6. Experiences/travel – doesn’t have to be exotic. it could just be a daytrip to the next town over. Get out more and discover new to you things. Broaden your horizons.
7. Positivity - keep a smile on your face, look on the bright side, appreciate what you have instead of what you don’t. Adding a positive perspective to your life will change you at the core quickly and you won’t ever want to go back to being negative.
8. Organization – both your time and surroundings need to be organized in a way that suits you in order to be productive and reduce stress.
9. A budget – if you don’t have one, get one and stick to it!
10. Sleep – go to bed earlier. I struggle with this so much even though I know that when I get more sleep, I am happier, more relaxed, more focused and able to take on all the other things that add fulfillment to my life.

My brother and his new wife just spent 10 days visiting sunny Florida. They stayed at my parents’ house and I got to visit them a few times. I would’ve liked to have seen them more but I was sick for that few days and didn’t want to get them sick too so we stayed huddled up at home.

I love my brother. I light up at the mention of his name, I can’t help but smile when I see him, laugh when he talks, and listen to his advice. I admire him so much for who he is. He is absolutely without question the most down-to-earth and true to himself person I know. He’s friendly to everyone he meets. He stands up for what he believes in.

My brother is such an individual. Nothing about him is anything but Andy. He refuses to conform to what others expect him to dress like, look like, act like. And all the while, people just love him. I have learned so much from him over the 29 years I’ve been alive. We are only 16 months apart in age and were often mistaken for twins growing up. That was probably helped by the fact that he was held back a grade in 5th grade so we were in the same grade for years.

I am going to share some things I have learned from my brother, some of the more important lessons he’s taught me through example.

1. All people are equal – he used to get in fights in middle and high school because he’d get made fun of by ignorant kids because his best friends were black. I know that he’s learned by now that beating people up isn’t the way to get them to listen to you. But he has always shown a passion for standing up for what is right and fighting for what he believes in. Now he just does it a little more civilly.

2. Don’t be a follower – live your own life, live it well and be happy with who you are. I will never forget the 3 months in high school that my brother didn’t talk to me. Not one word. After he found out that I had gone out to a concert with friends and gotten drunk and been smoking cigarettes. To him, I was doing what everyone expected in an effort to be cool (and he was right) and he had no tolerance for me being an idiot in order to be liked. That 3 months was hell. I was embarrassed that I had behaved so stupidly to try to make insignificant people like me and in the process made my best friend dislike me.

3. Show your love – when I see my brother with his wife, I think he’s amazing. He’s the perfect combination of loving but goofy, he takes care of her without being overbearing. He always thinks of her first for everything. That is how marriage should be. Putting the other person first and making sure they are shown everyday how much you love and appreciate them.

4. Laugh at yourself - NEVER take yourself too seriously. This is above all else the single biggest thing I got from growing up with him. He’s not obnoxious but he likes to make fun of people and he’s sarcastic and goofy. If you trip, he’ll laugh. That kind of thing. He makes the mundane hilarious and shows me how to smile and laugh through life even when things are bad.

Those are the big things. He’s special, my brother. I’m lucky to have him in my life showing that everything doesn’t have to be conventional and happiness can come when you are true to yourself and put a smile on your face. It becomes contagious.

Do you ever wonder why you’re here? What you’re purpose is and how you should be living your life? Wondering how to find happiness?

I think that one of the best ways to at least start on the path to discovering those things is to examine yourself and your life and determine what your gifts are. When I think of gifts a person has, I think of what identifies that person, what defines who they are, what stands out about them? Are they a person who just loves to make people laugh? Or are they a person who is a fantastic speaker or writer and can touch people through those mediums? Good at athletics or just very intelligent and great in conversation? Some are just fabulous parents. Others love design, aesthetics and find happiness in making things around them beautiful. Maybe a person is gifted with artistic ability and creativity. Whatever it is, everyone has gifts.

When you look inside yourself and think of the things that drive you, excite you when you get to do them, make you feel whole when they are part of your life, that is what I would call a gift. When you can embrace your gifts and live your life through their uniqueness, then you can begin to really find your inner happiness. You can begin to find comfort in who you are because you’re not trying to be something someone else is. Finding your strength in just knowing who you are, knowing what your reason is for being here and spending everyday fulfilling that purpose as much as you can is a great start down that path to inner peace and happiness.

I have been trying to find out who I am and what my purpose is and making changes accordingly. If I look inside myself and think of what my gifts are, it makes it much easier to embrace and live out the things that mean a whole lot to me. Along that same line, it makes it easier to stop doing things that don’t fulfill what I believe myself to be and what I want my purpose to be. My life, day in and day out has to be me living with purpose. From every dollar I spend having a purpose, to every moment with my kids, to every time I have a free moment, I want it all to be the most full it can be. I also want to make sure I am living out the uniqueness of my gifts. I love decorating. I also love a simple, clutter-free home to feel comfortable in. Those two things mean a lot in my life. It’s part of who I am and so my time goes into those things. I also enjoy writing. I won’t go overboard and call myself a writer, just a blogger. I enjoy it very much and the sense of purpose it brings to my life, the way it makes me think more about myself and the way it brings new ideas into my world each day. I am a runner. When I run, I feel relaxed and at ease and natural. It’s easier once I have pinpointed things that I define myself as to better use my time living out who I am and not cluttering my time with things that don’t add to my life.

Above all else, my family is my purpose. I am a wife, mother, daughter, and sister. I know not all women feel that motherhood is their ultimate purpose in life. I don’t know that it is for me either, but at this stage of my life, it absolutely is. I don’t have much more than my kids that drives me right now. As they grow older and need me less (sniff sniff) I am sure that my priorities and purpose will change. For today, I just have to live out who I am and that means being the best mother and wife that I can be.

I have to say, it feels good, and I feel very lucky to have found what I deem to be my own inner peace. It takes time to dig deep within yourself to find that, but once I did, it was so worth it. Waking up each day with goals and dreams and knowing if I just keep staying true to myself, I will get there is deeply satisfying and motivating.