Remodeling This Life

My post last week in which I babbled about stuff prompted a reply from deepali at her blog asking what are you trying to say?. This reminded me of a couple other posts I’ve read and enjoyed on other blogs like Social Proof and Flying Without a Net at On Simplicity and also You Are Not Your Stuff, Your Stuff Is Not You at My Two Dollars.

So, the consensus seems to be that our stuff doesn’t define us. But we have to face that what we choose to buy, the things we surround ourselves with and how we live do speak things about us. They tell people who meet us things about us. The point that I like from paradigm shifted is that we have to purposefully choose to make those things meaningful. If we really take into consideration what something says about us and decide if it is speaking truthfully about who we are deep down before acquiring it, that is a step in the direction of being true to who we are.

As I replied in the comments to her, there are things that we can think of ourselves and try to portray in our decisions about lifestyle and objects that surround us, but we can’t control what other people’s impressions of those things will be. Some people will think one thing of what I have and another person could think something entirely different.

Which is why I think it’s so important to stay true to yourself. You can’t please everyone. You can’t force everyone to see you for what you are trying to say about yourself. At the end of the day, yes, our stuff talks about us. But I refuse to get hung up on what my stuff says to each individual around me. My opinion of myself matters most. If my things reflect who I feel I am and what I want to be, along with what my values are, that is what matters above anyone else’s opinion.

What do you say? Feel free to chime in with your thoughts about how we must battle the influence of others on our choices. It is, afterall, much easier to say that others don’t influence who we are or how we choose to live than to live it.

September 28th, 2008 | Category: Uncategorized | Comments (8)

Hello lovely readers and welcome to another Sunday roundup containing some fabulous content from around the web. I am taking this opportunity this week to do a little self promoting. I don’t do it often so I figure it is okay for today.

First, have you see the cute new little buttons that I have on my sidebar for subscribing via RSS or email? Aren’t they so clickably cute? If you aren’t already subscribed and like what you read here, perhaps you’ll consider clicking one of them. You’ll receive all my blog updates through your favorite reader or email.

Click away!

Okay enough of cute bloggy buttons, on with a little content for your reading pleasure!

I began contributing this week over at Frugal Hacks. I am mostly going to be contributing DIY ideas, but will also be writing about frugal living too. If you’d like to see my first post from yesterday about what I did to solve not having a medicine cabinet and a cluttered mess that needed fixing in my bathroom, check it out here. You may just be pleased as punch to see what a slob I can be.

Okay, that’s enough about me, I think. Time for some interesting content from around the web now

There are a few cool giveaways going on.

Hank is giving away cold hard cash.

So is Free From Broke.

Hurry and enter so you can have your chance at winning some money!!

Another giveaway I discovered on Twitter is for 2 $15 Starbucks giftcards at Money Ning.

That’s all for giveaways, now on with some articles!

• Frugality vs. Self Sufficiency
• If Not Now…
• Get Things Done at Home by Getting Stuff Out of Your Brain
• The Power of the Table
• Curbing Your Addiction to Deals
• Holding Onto Sentimental Things
• When I Found Out Guns N Roses Isn’t the Name of a Song
• We Are the World
• Perfect vs. Good

That’s all! Enjoy the rest of your weekend, everyone!!

September 28th, 2008 | Category: family | Comments (4)

A lot of people out there, myself included, put out there the idea that stuff doesn’t define us. “Stuff” is not what we should be using to measure ourselves. “Stuff” does not make us who we are.

In my adventure into a simpler life, my relationship with stuff has changed dramatically. I don’t have a lot of stuff and most of the things I do acquire are usually not even new. I like not having too much stuff. I like that when all the laundry in the house is clean, there is a place for everything.

Ridding my environment of things that were just taking up space and serving little purpose feels good. I like that when I want or need something new, that I put thought into what will make its way out of my house in return. I like giving careful consideration to where something is going to go, what the purpose of it is going to be and how beautiful I find it before I decide to aquire it.

Here are some things about things that I have been thinking about.

• things do not define us
• not having things does not define us either
• if people are defining us by what we have or don’t have, should we really be worrying about what they think anyway?
• are we seeking to put out to the world and people we meet who we are through “stuff” because it’s become a world in which we’re moving too quickly to stop and learn more about people than what we think of them based on how they are dressed and what they are driving?

Here’s the thing about things. I truly believe that I am more than my stuff. I am more than being defined by new gadgets and a big house and new cars. But whether I like it or not, the life choices I make DO define me. Am I living a small, debt-free, simple life? Yes. Will people see that when they meet me? Depending on the situation, sure. I don’t meet people at the park and say “Hi, I’m Emily. I grow my own vegetables, line dry my clothes and have no debt. Wanna be friends?” Those may be parts of who I am, but do I consider them to be top notch things that everyone should know about me the moment they see me? I think not.

Can you imagine if all the people that you saw that you thought “Wow, look what they have!” had to provide you with their entire financial picture to go with it? Some probably look good, others probably have pretty ugly financial pictures. But the same is true of people living just like I do. A person living what looks just like my life could also be buried in debt and have no money. The point is that while a lifestyle can give a decent glimpse into what someone’s life really is like, it’s not reliable.

What does all of this mean? People will make judgments either way - some will love you for having lots of stuff and a big new house and others will think you’re wasteful and everything in between. Some will love you for living so simply and small and others will feel bad for you.

When you’re living your life, one that you are content and happy with, the details don’t matter. You can have things that I don’t and that is great. You can feel bad for me for the things I don’t have, but it doesn’t matter. I am not about to start getting more stuff to make you happy. I am not about to sacrifice my future to buy a house that is bigger than I need and hogs up money I can put toward tomorrow.

In all honesty, I don’t know anyone who just doesn’t care one iota what anyone else thinks. I think most of us enjoy a little validation, some compliments and a pat on the back from time to time. For me, I would rather be commended for being a nice person, caring about others, thinking about the environment, planning for the future, being a great mother and having an ability to make people laugh and smile from time to time. I don’t want people to commend me on a job well done signing those mortgage documents. “Nice signature, Emily. Now can we have your arm and leg please?”  But that’s just me and those are my values.

Be true to who you are. Don’t try to live up to what you think other people expect of you and will think better of you for having. And on the flip side, don’t get rid of stuff that you enjoy just to impress people who live with less. BE YOU. If you are content in a big cozy house and can afford your life and aren’t a slave to the messages around you but are simply living out who you are and what makes you feel good, then that is what matters.  People will see that you are a happy and content person because of who you are, not what you have or don’t have.  Find your motivation for the life you live and ask if it’s what you want. Are you motivated by impressing others or do you feel insecure about your lifestyle compared to others? Things aren’t going to solve that because there will always be new things and new expectations and there’s always the upgrade. Set your limits. Live within them and be content. It’s worth it.

September 25th, 2008 | Category: Frugality, Simplifying, finances | Comments (17)

I am not sure exactly the spirit in which it was intended, but I received an email yesterday asking me what it is about my life that I think is so simple. I thought long and hard about this and could write a dissertation about the ways that this is what my life has shaped itself into, but I won’t. At least I think I won’t. We’ll see how long this is by the end.

I will take a bit of time to express and example of an afternoon in words to try to describe it and what simple, frugal and fabulous means to me in my life.

2 weeks ago, on a beautiful summer weekday afternoon, I was playing outside with my kids. My son was running around digging in the dirt, picking up rocks and picking flowers. My daughter was drawing on the sidewalk with chalk and had the brilliant idea to have me lay down so she could trace around me.

I lay there still giggling at the the thought of her tracing me while staring at the blue sky watching clouds drift  by. My daughter traced me then asked me to move and traced me again and again. We giggled together at the silly outlines of me.

It was 2:30 in the afternoon and while we sat there playing together and enjoying a beautiful summer day, my hubby’s car drove up. The kids raced to him with gleeful shrieks of “da-deeeee” and he scooped them both up into his arms. Our usual routine ensued - hubby showered to clean up from work then met us back outside in the yard for an afternoon of gardening, watering, playing and exploring. The actions may change from day to day - what is one day an afternoon of gardening may be an afternoon of art projects, house projects or some other such activity that forces the creative juices to flow. Anyone who says that DIY projects and activities mean I’m not living in the moment has clearly never given them a chance.

After a couple hours of this, we all went inside so hubby and I could start dinner. We turned on some music and started preparing a fresh salad together while the kids danced in the kitchen, giggling as they tripped over each other’s feet. Hubby and I would occasionally stop chopping to squeeze in a little 4 person dance.

We ate dinner and talked about our day, my daughter gabbing about her adventures at school and what her teachers taught her that day. My son, mostly described as the strong silent type, sat quietly absorbing it all with a smile on his face and requests for more food on his tray.

After dinner, we got the kids into jammies and ready for bed. Book selections were made and kids were put to sleep to bring an end to our day.

Does this all sound boring? Mundane? I suppose it all is, but to me, it’s also beautiful. My life is not full of things or moments of much stress and worry. The things I worry about are mostly regarding health and safety and at the end of the day, those are things I don’t have a whole lot of control over. When it comes time to eat, we know where our food is coming from. We don’t have to worry about bills - the few we have get paid and we have no debt.

Do parts of this sound familiar? Does it sound a lot like the life you live? I would bet so. I don’t think we’re all that different from anyone else when you get down to it. Perhaps the greatest difference is attitude. I think the path to a simple life has a lot to do with how a person sees life. There are choices we make in life about how we feel and what we make of each and every day we’re given. My life feels simple because at the end of it, I am grateful. I take the time to appreciate small moments. I don’t harp on the past and the injustices of life but instead choose to see what is good that is in front of me.

Removing the emotional and mental clutter of strained relationships, the things that take up space in my mind and keep me from living in each moment is what makes my life feel simple. I am no longer worried about what others think but am now proud of where I am and what I do have. I don’t ever intend to talk about where my life is and make others feel bad. We all have our unique set of circumstances, our own goals and our own dreams. Simplicity, to me, is taking the time to understand myself, my needs, my dreams and my goals and to start living them. It’s not about what I do or don’t have, what I make or what I do. It’s just about a feeling of peace inside at the end of the day when I’ve lived out my life the way that feels right to me.

September 23rd, 2008 | Category: Simplifying | Comments (24)