Remodeling This Life

I met my best friend when we were 11. I went away to summer camp for 4 weeks and she was the girl I was put in a tent with. I walked into the tent that day and she was sitting there, all smiles and really excited to meet me. We hit it off right away. She was friends with everyone. And she has always had this amazing quality to her. She has never ever been afraid to do anything and make a fool of herself. She sings more off key of anyone I know yet was the first to lead us in song at campfire. She is the most uncoordinated person I know yet she’s also a triathlete. She’s a total goofball and what I love most about her is that she doesn’t feel like she has to be the best at something, or heck, even good at something, in order to do it. She just does things with gusto and enjoys herself despite not being excellent at it.

I have begun to learn how to do this. I remember as I grew up being afraid, not to try something, but afraid that once doing it, I wouldn’t be good at it. I didn’t want to try a new activity or sport or craft or anything at all unless I felt confident I could do it well. Of course, that sounds silly. You learn to do things well by practicing and doing them over and over again. Not everyone can water ski the first time they try. Only one person is going to win a marathon.

By learning to let myself do things not perfectly, I have discovered the beauty in doing. I enjoy things despite not being great at them. I am not the craftiest, most creative person, but I enjoy the pursuit. I enjoy thinking of creative things to do with my kids and creative things to do around my home. By embracing the imperfection in what I do, I am allowing myself to discover new and wonderful things to fill my time with.

I can make things that are flawed and I can come in in the middle of the pack in a running race and enjoy every moment of doing those things now. By changing my mindset to one that is about living my life, doing things, trying something new, I am realizing how much I was missing by being afraid of embarrassing myself or failing. I have adjusted my view of failure from being that of doing something not well to not doing something at all.

The journey, the pursuit, the process of learning and experiencing is the best success of all. Embracing that I can do things imperfectly makes everything more fun and fulfilling.

When I think of our journey into buying our fixer-upper and what led us to this, I think of how afraid I was. I wasn’t afraid of the things you would think I’d be afraid of. I was afraid that we wouldn’t be able to fix it up well. I was afraid it wouldn’t be perfect. Now, instead of fearing it being imperfect, I am glad it’s imperfect. I am glad for all the character, charm and quirks about my home. I am glad that I relented and gave in to the fear and instead found out that what I was afraid of is the best part of all.

For the past 10 days, I have been a girl in motion. I spent 3 days in a car driving North. Then 2 days staying with family and visiting friends. Followed by a train ride to Toronto and a weekend with friends. I am finally, finally settling in to my vacation with my kids and parents at the cottage. It’s been amazing and I enjoy the hustle and bustle and the change of scenery. I love that my days are mixed up and there is no routine. I love that I am completely on an escape from my regular day to day at home.

There is one thing that I have discovered through this past week and a half of upheaval from that day to day though. I need to write. I was without computer for a week and now that I am here and have my laptop, things are just happening. Vacation is happening. Moments are happening. Things are busy, we’re doing new things, I am showing my children the beauty of my favorite place in the world and immersing myself and them in the experience of this place.

That means, however, that I have little time to sit at my computer and get out the many rambling jumbled thoughts that are swirling in my brain each day. I find myself with my notebook at my side just so I can jot down moments, thoughts, ideas, so that I won’t forget them tomorrow. I have discovered that I don’t write because I want to or have nothing better to do. I write because I need to. By eliminating my means and mode of writing that I need it. It is part of me, it’s who I am and it is very important and an integral part of my personality. Each night as I’ve been falling asleep, I have felt a slight void because I wasn’t able to sit down that day and write.

When I think back on the last couple of years that have laid the framework for the life I live today and who I am becoming, I realize that so much of who I am and what I value and have found authentic for my life has come about by eliminating things and then discovering that I don’t need them. Not only, don’t I need them, but I am better off without them. So I am learning that it’s an important part of my life to learn what is truly me and what I truly value and what is really a part of me to remove it from my life and see what happens. Getting rid of old stuff that I don’t use anymore is a quick and easy way to visibly see how many things are around me that I just don’t need. I have yet to trek off to Goodwill with boxes of stuff from around my house and miss any of the stuff.

By minimizing my life, making things simpler and more bare, it is easier to see the things around me that I need or don’t need. By removing things, I can then search inside myself whether I really need it or not. It seems to be a decent way for me to have discovered the things that really matter. Take them away and see how it feels. If it feels good, fantastic. If it feels bare, empty and there is a void, put it back.

As for my writing, I know it won’t ever truly go away, because it’s part of me.

In an effort to share some of the adventures from my time away from home, here’s a little tidbit. I spent the past weekend in Toronto and had the day Saturday to myself. I grabbed a coffee and hit the streets to wander and take in the city. As I was wandering around, I  saw a bunch of people in red shirts that said “City Chasers” and had numbers pinned to their chests. I figured I’d missed a running race earlier in the morning. Then two of the people stopped me and asked me if I could do a handstand. “Um, errr, I don’t know…maybe?!” They explained they were in a scavenger hunt around the city and had to take photos of different things and having someone do a handstand was one of the items. I hesitated, looked around at all the pavement around me and decided the worst that could happen was I’d fall and crack my head open on the streets of another country, but at least they have better healthcare there, so why the heck not? I tucked my shirt in to avoid any sheer embarrassment and flung myself up in the air into a handstand and had my photo taken. I wish I had thought to hand them my camera too, but I’ll just have to remember it in my mind. It was one of those “am I going to be afraid to fail and embarrass myself or live in the moment and do something fun?” I decided on the latter and enjoyed it. Fun times

Over this past weekend, I took a little weekend getaway to Toronto by myself. I decided to take the train and was I ever glad I did. It was so perfect and is my new favorite way to travel. I have ridden Amtrak across the country a few times by myself, so I kind of knew what to expect. I am different now than I was those other times though. Older and more appreciative of looking out the window to enjoy the beauty of the landscape passing me by. I’m also tired and more appreciative of relaxing time alone. I loved the train riding experience for so many reasons. No long lines to wait in, no delays, no removal of shoes and metal detectors to go through. I can bring my own liquids on board. I can sit wherever I want. It is travel, simplified. And I loved it. I recommend it for anyone who wants to slow down, de-stress and remove a lot of the headache from travel. Oh, and did I mention it is cheap too? Gotta love it. The most thrilling moment of the trip was riding across the bridge to Niagara Falls in Canada.

Happy father’s day, to the two amazing father’s in my life and to all you fathers out there! Enjoy your day and I hope you relax and spend lots of time with your family!

The kids and I are leaving in a couple hours and I have some last minute stuff to do but wanted to say adios before we head off on our vacation adventure. I have some posting lined up for the next couple of weeks, of course, I will be around when I can to post as well. If anyone is interested in guest posting, I would hugely appreciate it, so let me know by shooting me an email through my contact form.

Have a great day!!