I sit here in the cold rainy gray of a Monday with a cup of coffee and a blanket to keep warm in the cozy of my home. Nearby, my kids are huddled in front of a movie, a small celebration for them on a day off of school. Nowhere to go, nothing to do but be.
I think about the beautiful ordinary that I want to live in, love in and laugh in each day. When I think of my life as ordinary, it starts to feel boring though. And when I proclaim it as beautiful, which it truly is, I feel the pressure to make it look that way instead of just loving it as it is. And so my own words that I have said – words that I have to used to claim what I want my days to be have rendered me frozen.
The photos I take aren’t pretty enough. The words I use to describe my days aren’t enough. Why do I even want to share the days at all? The thing about blogging is that there are so many people sharing photos and words and they all have lovely lives and they all tell their story in their beautiful way and so then I think maybe I should just let them do it and I’ll become a blog reader instead of a blog writer. Because why bother.
Then small hints of why come to me. A friend offering encouragement out of the blue when she has no idea I need it most. Another friend verbalizing the fear that comes with writing and sharing and putting ones self out there. Yet another friend showing that it is truly in the ordinary that we find the beautiful, we are shown new wonderful things through fresh eyes and it is worth sharing.
I think that maybe I am not the only one who struggles with thinking everyone has an ordinary that is beautiful and interesting. That I am the one who got stuck with boring and ugly ordinary. I am the one who got stuck with dirty floors and overflowing laundry piles while everyone else has clean floors, folded laundry, and even took a shower today.
The problem is that the me I have become is the me who comes here and thinks too much about what other people who are here may want to read or see. I want to be the me that just says here I am, this is me, this is who I am and what I do with what I have. And I want to hit publish knowing that it’s enough. It’s not big or beautiful or jaw dropping. It’s just plain and simple ordinary and that’s okay.
“It’s not big or beautiful or jaw dropping. It’s just plain and simple ordinary and that’s okay.”
And that is exactly why I keep coming back. . .to the beauty that is your ordinary. And mine. And each of ours in our own way. Besides, jaw dropping gets exhausting after a while.
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I’ve struggled with the same things you’re wrestling with. I think your own conclusion is a good one. Be you, dear girl. A little authenticity goes a long way. Thanks for sharing.
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I found your blog just before Christmas. Its discovery was so timely. I have been in a “having too much/trying to be too much” crisis since moving to this new town. Lots of SAHM competition that is just not me. Your ordinary is exactly what I want. I work on that everyday as I remodel this life! Thank you for the inspirations that you provide…no matter how ordinary.
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[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by remodelingthislife, smartgreenmedia. smartgreenmedia said: RT @remodelthislife The Me I Want To Be http://bit.ly/dK8cxy <– Once again, Emily's made something beautiful out of ordinary [...]
Exactly! Amen, sister. I really struggle with trying to advertise my blog or keep to my original intent which was to be informative to our families about our life. I have to keep reminding myself that “my purpose” is not to increase followers, write the wittiest posts, or do fabulous before & afters. My purpose is to draw our family closer to each other. And if others find enjoyment in our little blog, then that is fine, too. Thank you for your post. It went straight to my heart.
Judy
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What an honest and moving post. I had to read it twice! I, too, have found myself judging myself and comparing myself to what I see and read on other blogs. It is a constant battle within myself to remind me that MY ordinary is someone else’s EXTRA-ordinary. and vice versa. YOUR ordinary touches, creates, inspires, moves, shines, warms, opens.
Thank you for sharing your honest post!
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It’s so easy to get caught up in the comparison game isn’t it! I’m really trying to give a more realistic picture of our lives on my blog. I’m realizing it doesn’t help anyone to try to look perfect.
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I think this is a constant struggle for most women, especially SAHMs. There isn’t much in the place of reminders to savor every moment, at least not for me, but your blog has really hit a note with me and I am glad you still write. You are exactly on the bullseye when I need reminding what I have in front of me, and what in life is good, and worth it.
Thank You.
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My thoughts are jumbled after reading your post. Just know that we come here because we love who you are, not what you are. Just be you!
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I like you very much. Just as you are.
Quick…name that movie!
PS – it’s a movie quote, but also very true! ; )
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Emily Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 4:55 pm
Bridget Jones’ Diary!!
right back at you, girl
xoxo
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I love you because you are real. I do not have time for people who are not real. If they look/act/talk perfectly, they are not real, for pain and suffering is in each life. Or will be soon. I do not need perfect pictures or perfect words – I only want to connect to your heart. And this post, this morning, wrapped in your blanket with coffee in hand, is one to which I totally connect. Thank you for being you. For being real. And for posting so the rest of us can connect, lose our loneliness, for a few minutes through a friend (we never met) like you.
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Keep writing what you feel. As an artist, you just don’t spend your life in museums looking at art. You create it. You create it from what you see and from what you take in, then share it others through your talent so that they can see what you’ve seen and hopefully share that experience-connecting you with others you didn’t even know existed.
Keep wroting. You are an artist and we are lucky to get to share what you see.
Thanks.
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Oh I soooooo understand what you’re saying and I am at that exact point right now. Thanks for the post…I needed a bit of encouragement on this Monday.
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I subscribe to your blog because I enjoy what you write about each and every post. You make me think about what really matters, not about the next best thing, trend, color scheme, etc. What I want from reading blogs is a feeling of connection or finding inpspiration to lead the best life ever. I find that in your posts. So please stay just as you are and celebrate the fact that you are the best “you” possible right now, forever, and always. Never cheat yourself thinking you should be more like someone else to have the perfect life.
My best- Diane
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Emily, I read and love your blog because of who you are! Thank you for your honesty and genuineness. It warms my heart, and I feel like I’ve found a friend. Today is my birthday, and I’m feeling introspective and self-critical and *fortunate* about so many facets of my life. I’m a mother, a partner, my family’s sole provider, a writer, a homeowner (of a teeny tiny house), an employee. Life is a balancing act, and I’m constantly challenged by the compromises I must make to keep it all afloat and working. I’m not a blogger, and I so admire what you do. I’d love to become a more active reader and commenter here. Please keep writing!
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You couldn’t have described me any better…:) with all my heart I am sending you a hug:) there are so many women right where your thinking today. D on’t be afraid to be yourself…you are absolutely wonderful JUST THE WAY you are.
Sides…I want to hear about REAL…
xo
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Your last paragraph is exactly what’s been in my heart this week, and I can’t believe I just came and read one of my favorite peeps thinking the same thing. For me, it is proof that the blogosphere *can* find us people who help us to live by our lights – on dark days and in bright moments of ‘ah ha!’
this, this is perfectly imperfect. I’ll give you a “love.” right back.
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The sermon yesterday – right on!
“If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. 4 Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, 5 for each one should carry their own load.”
From Galations chap. 6 – This comparison game we all play leads us to “deceive ourselves” – Comparing our full knowledge of ourselves to the “perfect masks” of others leads to insecurity. But even if we deem ourselves “better” than another, we again are deceiving ourselves…
Paul goes on to say instead – rather than compare ourselves to others: “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. ”
I enjoy your blog. Thanks for your honesty.
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I LOVE reading your blog because you are experiencing & blogging about real life everyday issues!!! Not these “perfect lives or perfect pics” most others put on there blogs that are simply unrealistic for everyday family life. I know from time to time its just natural to feel that we don’t measure up. But I don’t think it’s a realistic life we compare ourself to. That is why I love to follow your Blog because you are so down to earth & inspiring to Women & Stay At Home Moms today. Give yourself a big pat on the back for all the good you do within your home/raising family & especially in your Real Blog!!!! We all love & support you because you insire us to live a better practical life & in return make this a better world because of YOU: )
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First, I love your blog. I don’t think it’s ordinary at all. In fact, I think it’s in the top 5 extraordinary blogs on my list. I look forward to coming to visit you.
Second, I feel the same way about me, my life, and my blog sometimes. I even told my husband not too long ago, that I was going to delete my blog. He talked me out of any rash decisions, and I’m thankful. It’s the ordinary things that make up our wonderful lives. I think we’re giving a gift by sharing our lives with others.
Happy Monday!
-FringeGIrl
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Emily,
Are you inside my head? This post resonates with me like you can’t believe. I love what you are saying and I can relate so much. Since I started blogging I have questioned my insecurities. I don’t think my insecurities have ever been exposed as much as with my blog. I keep reminding myself to JUST BE ME. To live life, and then blog about it. I can’t be someone I am not and I am learning to love my simple life of ORDINARY!
Thanks for your honesty, it really blessed me today!
Denise
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Thank you all!! I want to tell you how much your words have meant to me and how grateful I am you took the time to write them.
xoxo
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Thank you x10. Since blogging, I have gone from envy to a little blog depression. Some of the blogs out there are so over-the-top, I have to think that they take speed and tie their kids up in closets…I mean, come on. Yet, my perfectionist personality really wants to achieve what I see behind their smoke and mirrors. If they were only as honest as you, I’m sure I would feel better.
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I think many of us in the blogging world struggle with these same feelings. Our ordinary lives seem so blah compared with the other blogs that we read, so why not step back and let someone who has it “more together” write while we read. Because… it is through our imperfection that others are blessed. By writing about our reality others can see God move and hopefully be reminded that God meets us here in the mundane day to day, where the floors are splattered with jam and baby food, the laundry remains in a pile awaiting to be folded, and children bicker and squabble. Thank you for living authentically and continuing to write about it.
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I can relate! I am not a blogger. Just an at home mom who might not get a shower today with a house that is messy. I will be lucky to get some laundry done. I will spend time with my kiddos but I will be thinking that I wish my house was clean.
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this blog post is my “hint”. i thought i was the only that felt others lives were extraordinary compared to mine. recently, i’ve noticed i have so much beauty around me & it’s unique because it’s mine. we are all truly lucky. we just have to be stop & really look. <3
<3
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thank you so much for your honesty. i really needed to read this today.
“I am the one who got stuck with dirty floors and overflowing laundry piles while everyone else has clean floors, folded laundry, and even took a shower today.”
and just for the record i’m right there with you…dirty floors, overflowing laundry piles. yup. and as a bonus i also have a mountain of papers that i’m trying to get out from under so i can stop losing important things.
~erin
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Hi Emily,
Do you know why I read your blog? Not because of the things that you do.
I read your blog, because of your character.
Who you are shines through your writing, and I like the person who is writing!
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I come here but don’t comment very often. I felt compelled to let you know that the reason I continue to come back is because your words are real, raw and inspiring! Thank you for showing us your beautiful ordinary!
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I definitely keep coming back because you are you. Reading other blogs and seeing pictures of beautiful and perfect houses only serve to depress me. Stay true to yourself.
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Look at all these people who want to keep reading what you have to say! And as one of your newest followers (thank you, FB NetworkedBlogs app!), I want to keep reading what you have to say, too.
I’m pretty dang outspoken myself, and I find that even I cringe just a little before I hit the ‘publish’ button. Glad I’m not in the club alone.
Keep on keepin’ on, my new friend.
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Posts like this are why I love your blog.
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Emily, I love this post. Your blog and your writing are so real, and I enjoy them both very much. It’s easy to imagine that others have perfect homes, perfect lives, and unlimited creativity when we just see one glimpse of their life through photos and carefully chosen words. But everyone has the crazy piles of laundry, the chaos and the mess that is part of the fabric of our lives. Every day I’m trying to love all of this – the beautiful and the ordinary – and I love that you are, too.
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I’ve only been blogging for a month, but I see how it can help us live more mindfully. I think blogging causes you to really pay attention to your days–you’re seeing your life through the lens of a camera and thinking about how you’re going to write about your experiences. It’s also making me actually do all the things I talk about doing because I need to have some content! So blogging can be a great tool if we don’t let the critical voices in our heads take over.
And I say this to myself about 10 times a day: Don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outsides.
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This is why I love you Emily!! you always find the beautiful words to say exactly what I’m thinking!
I’ve been having a little internal struggle with myself and my blog lately, your post and your friendship me a lot to me.
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All I can say is WOW! The feelings of so many of us. I agree we have to know that our ordinary is interesting to others. Great post!
Love it,
Becky Mc.
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This is to you TidyMom. I was just talking about you this morning. You are an inspiration to me, I have watched you grow. Thanks to people like you and Emily it makes me want to keep on blogging!
Thanks for being there,
Becky Mc.
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TidyMom Reply:
February 19th, 2011 at 9:38 am
Becky, you just made me tear up and made my DAY!!! I SOOO needed that today! ♥
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