The first credit card I got was a Visa that I signed up for after getting an offer in the mail. I was 19 years old and in college. I didn’t need the card (then again, who really needs a credit card?), but I thought it would be a good way to establish credit. The first thing I bought with the card was a pair of Adidas trail response running shoes. I paid $73 and hit the pavement in those shoes until they were completely worn out.
After buying the shoes, I went home and put $73 aside to make sure when the bill came, I could pay for them in full. When the bill arrived and I wrote the check for $73 to pay it off, it was exhilarating. I felt so responsible and grown up.
Each month for a while, I continued to do the same thing. I’d buy one or two things, wait for the bill, and pay it in full. I bought a table and chairs from Crate and Barrel for $400 and really felt grown up then. I’d bought furniture and paid for it when the bill came. I was really getting the hang of being mature and responsible, I thought.
During this time, I was in college living in a condo hubby and I had bought together and working two jobs – one as a nanny every weekday afternoon and one at IBM on Saturday and Sunday mornings at the front desk. For a college kid, I made good money in addition to the money hubby was making at his job.
Somewhere along the way, probably after I got a bill for more than a few hundred dollars and I noticed the “minimum payment now due” box, I realized I could just pay a little of the bill and keep the money in my checking account for more shopping. I got out of control fast. My credit limit kept getting raised, my minimum payments were so enticing, and oh how I loved shopping.
A combination of impulsivity, a desire to fit in, and an eating disorder at the time played into the ugly change in course from being responsible to being in complete financial trouble. It went from just the Visa card to a Mastercard too, then a card to all of my favorite stores – Jcrew, Gap, Victoria’s Secret, Express. While I starved my body of the food it needed, I was leaving a hole that needed filling and I filled it with clothes. Clothes in really small sizes that gave me a false sense of esteem. I had huge credit card balances and a closet full of size 0 clothes.
In just a couple short years, I had run myself over $10,000 in credit card debt, transferring balances to new cards, signing up for additional promotions, waiting impatiently for my limits to be raised so I had more to spend. I had $1,500 on a card, would pay $100 to it and call every day until that $100 posted then go out and spend the new available balance. I missed payments, I made late payments, I overdrew my checking account too many times to count.
It’s not easy to tell this story. It’s not easy to look back on a time that I would’ve done anything to fit in and be accepted by people that were impossible to please. I had reduced my self worth to what other very misguided people valued – things that clearly mean nothing but meant the world to me then.
The details of my debt story make it look like this story is only mine. My path into debt and the underlying factors that caused it may not look like anyone else’s. At the heart of debt are a few things: living beyond one’s means, a lack of control, and a false sense of what is really valuable in life.
At 22 years old, with a boat load of bills to my name, an eating disorder to kick to the curb, and a loving husband, I decided it was time to turn things around. I emptied my wallet of plastic and I hung up my running shoes.
Was it as easy as I thought it would be? No, it was not.
To Be Continued
It is always hard to tell a story like this, but you are–very brave. I hope that others will take heart and learn. You overcame A LOT and are a better person because of it. Thank you.
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I wish that my parents would have given me a little more guidance on credit cards before I was bombarded by offers when I got to college. It is way to easy to let it get out of control. When I got married, my hubby a banker got me all straightened out and I am so thankful for that. I can’t wait to read the rest of your story.
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yep, got my first credit card in college. and took it right to the mall. that is where my story begins too. thanks for sharing Emily. I’m ready for the next chapter.
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I was approached on CAMPUS to sign up for my very first card…and I did it because I got something free. Yep, I was one of those lame-os. I had bad spending behavior in college, but had my parents to back me up…but then I moved to DC and had a low paying job and high rent AND still fought to fit in…all while gaining weight and desiring to look special. Totally the same, only different, right?!
Can’t wait to read the next part of your story!
XOXO!
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Emily, I can’t remember how I found your blog, but I’ve been subscribing for awhile. I had to post to tell you how much I love your writing. Your posts are the ones I read first in my reader every day.
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A story so many of us can relate to, thanks for sharing it from your heart. I know it is going to inspire so many people.
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I read your blog every day but rarely comment.
It takes a lot of bravery and guts to put this out in the world. I admire you for that. These are lessons that all of us go through, one way or another, but it sure doesn’t feel like that at the time.
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This is my first time commenting, and I am because I want to thank you.
Thank you for your honesty. Reading your story was like reading my own. It’s exactly what happened to me.
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JJ and I have the same story from DC – low paying job, HIGH rent. I had to use a credit card to buy groceries for crying out loud. It didn’t seem fair that someone who worked as hard and as much as I did wouldn’t have enough money to live. But, yep, that was the case. I continued this awful cycle until I met my DH who reigned me in. He’s only carried a balance on his credit card once (when he bought my engagement ring, and that was only for a month), so he has really helped me with that. We do still use credit cards- every day – but we only buy what we can pay for and pay them off each month. It was a hard (but important lesson to learn).
Thanks for writing this! Can’t wait to read part 2.
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Thanks for having the guts to tell your story.
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it is a hard story to tell. we were irresponsible with our money and other areas of our lives for years. writing about it is not easy, but maybe it will help someone else.
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I think you’re so right about those underlying issues. I can’t wait to hear the rest of your story.
-FringeGirl
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Thank you for sharing your story…I can’t wait to read more.
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you’re so brave to post this Emily….but you know many people share your story
hubby and I were just talking the other night how we are SO glad we don’t have or use credit cards….we’ve been married almost 24 years and only had a few cards a few times…we didn’t like the temptation and got rid of them before it got out of hand. There are days I wish we had a credit card…….but I’ll tell you what, it’s MUCH easier sleeping at night with OUT credit cards.
Can’t wait to hear part 2 of your story
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Hi, My name is Meme from Screaming Meme…It is so nice to meet you…I loved what you are doing…:) I think it looks homey!
http://www.thescreamingmeme.blogspot.com
http://www.thisfamilysgonecrackers.blogspot.com
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I’m so interested in your personal confessions. I always hear about this happening, but I’ve never heard it in first person. Thank you for being brave, admitting mistakes, and sharing with us, Emily.
Katie
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You know, I’d always assumed you were just ‘naturally’ good at money – just from what I’ve read here. It is a wonderful reality check for me to see that you weren’t, once, and that there IS a way back from all this. Thank you for sharing.
It is, well, inspirational.
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While I am not publishing the details of our struggle to finally pay off our debt, we are being completely transparent with our children so that they a) won’t make the mistakes we did and b) so that they see it takes a LOT of work to turn the tide once you are paying tons of interest. I think the more we get this message out, the better off the next generation will be.
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Wow…thank you for sharing this so transparently. My own debt story was very similar, except that I shopped out of loneliness & depression.
I’m looking forward to reading the continuation of your story. I’m sure there is a great ending and it will encourage so many others!
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I know how hard that post must have been to write. It’s fantastic. I can’t wait for the next part.
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I always think owning it is the path to not making the same mistake again. You’re brave to share this, and I think alot of us did the same thing when we were right out of college, I know I did. Luckily once I got out of debt I stayed out for good. Looking forward to the next installment!
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I can relate to all of this…all too well!
I am just now beginning to get out of the debt downward spiral (and I am 35) due to the patience and support of my dearly beloved husband-to-be.
He’s helped me finally let go of all my self-acceptance issues and has taught me the value of living a simpler life not clogged up with things I don’t need.
Most of the things I bought with my credit cards were impulsive purchases driven by by depression and a need for people (especially guys) to like me. And I can’t say I still own ninety percent of the things I purchased with my cards.
This year we paid off one of my store cards.
I’ve closed one Visa to lock in it’s low rate to pay it off. And I’m about to negotiate a lower rate on my other Visa and put it in payoff status. Then I just have the store card from my employer to pay off.
I can’t wait to be free of them. It will be quite liberating.
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Are we sisters? seriously. I’m 27 and this started when I was 18. Now, that I blog, I feel the need to keep up even more.
I’m in te middle of finishing my bedroom, and in order to do so, I put a few things on my credit card. Just so my readers would have something to read about (my bedroom).
I tell ya, you are really making me think twice about everything I’m doing…
Thanks
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[...] blogging friend Emily, who is the girl at Remodeling This Life, wrote an honest post called Running Up Debt. If you’re in over your head or if you’ve been there – you must read [...]
[...] This Life: Running Up Debt “It’s not easy to tell this story. It’s not easy to look back on a time that I would’ve [...]
[...] March 16, 2010 at 10:00 pm , by Emily To read part one: of my spiral into debt, you can read Running Up Debt. [...]
[...] Running Up Debt [...]