Last week, my 5 year old daughter said to someone, “My mommy always says, ‘in a minute’ when I ask her to do something”. I spun around, looked at her funny, then realized she was right. I realized it again earlier this week when my son came to me asking me to play trains. I was in the middle of cleaning the kitchen. “In a minute, buddy. Let me get the dishwasher started.”
“You can be Nerdock” (his hilarious pronunciation of Murdoch), he said, offering up his favorite train if I would just get down on the floor and vroom trains with him.
Why not? Why am I always putting the other stuff first? Why can I only play when I am done with what I am doing? Why can’t I play trains, get a snack for them, take them for a walk, go outside to push them on the swings RIGHT NOW?
The kitchen will always need to be clean. There will always be more laundry to wash, dry, fold, put away. There will always be errands to run, rooms to tidy, beds to make. The fact is, that stuff gets done. It might get done late at night when I’d rather be sleeping or it may get done during naptime when I’d rather be vegging.
I don’t want to be the mom who always says, “In a minute.” I want to jump up and say, “Yes! I can do that. Now.”
My daughter came to me tonight – she wanted to bake brownies. I told her earlier today we would. My mind raced to the 12 other things on my list I thought I “had” to do, but I said yes. I put what I was doing down, and made brownies, knowing I won’t always have these kid this little.
No more “In a minute”. Childhood won’t wait. If I can be Nerdock and lick the brownie spoon, the other stuff can wait.
This is the constant struggle- to be really present with them. I did it just tonight. My girl called from her room and asked for a snuggle; I said, “in a minute.” I heard her make this sound. It wasn’t a word, just a sound that said, “that will never happen.” I hopped up and ran to her room and crawled onto her bed with her for a snuggle. She was pretty happy that I was there, and so was I. Best thing I did all night.
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I need to do the same. The other day I wanted one of my daughters to do something with me and she said, “I will help you, Mommy, as soon as I finish this. Please wait.” It sounded entirely too much like me.
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I like Beth’s statement above. I do say “in a minute” as well because sometimes I am right in the middle of doing something. I don’t think I should always just completely stop what I am doing to cater to every whim and need. I am trying to teach the kids to be a bit more self sufficient and also entertain themselves a bit more. All this said though, I am going to be more aware of how many times I say it.
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Emily Reply:
February 1st, 2010 at 8:36 am
I definitely do think my kids need to learn patience and not feel like the world is all about instant gratification. I do say it a lot though. It’s my default statement and I don’t want it to be.
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I’ve had a bunch of “Cats in the Cradle” moments with my son in the past few months. I’ll be on the computer doing something and he’ll ask to do something or just cuddle up on the couch. Sometimes I catch myself and stop what I’m doing. Other times I can’t or am so lost I don’t realize. I’ve been trying to be more “present” for him. Like you say, childhood is now. All the other stuff can usually wait.
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This is beautiful advice. Those “minutes” make up our children’s lives. The reasons we say “in a minute” are all reasons that can wait.
Those minutes our children ask for are the minutes that make connections, and make memories. And the pass quickly if we don’t seize them…
Thanks for sharing this.
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Brava.
I am so with you on this. I don’t want to miss any of the good stuff. Now the house is a little messier, we order dinner in more than we used to but we are having a ball. The trade off has been phenomenal.
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I am so guilty of saying ‘in a minute’ and then never getting to it – thanks for the reminder to actually take the time out to actually ‘do it’ instead x
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Wow, thank you for making me realize how simple it really can be. I always have a ton of stuff to finish before I can go play with the kids, and I NEVER put down what I’m occupied with to be with them. I never thought twice about it until just now. This changes today!
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Great post! My pastor just finished a series called “live like your were dying” and this was one of my goals. The first day I tried not to put them off while I finished just one more thing (or sometimes 3 more) I was schocked at how many times I tried to delay what they wanted. Not that it is always a bad thing but like you said I am not always going to have 2 sweet little boys that want to be on Mommy’s lap.
Thanks for the reminder!
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Um, that should read “shocked” not “schocked”. Oops!
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It must be in the mom handbook, the phrase, “in a minute.” It is so hard not to say but yet it really does have an impact. It is amazing how kids really do listen to what we say and how they interpret it. I am guilty of this phrase too, A LOT! Thanks for the reminder of how fleeting time is and what truly matters. Your blog always seems to get me right when I need it. Thank you…
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Good for you! I am also guilty of the ‘in a minute’ answers. It’s quite pathetic.
-FringeGirl
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I try to say yes, but I’m clearly failing. This morning my 2-year-old said, “No say, in a minute, Mommy!”
Time to look at my priorities!
Excellent post.
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I completely agree. Earlier I read a post similar to this message. Love and priorities…God will take care of the rest.
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trust me when i say that you are not alone here. i think most mothers would say they’ve been in these shoes before. i know i have. in order to not be, i have to make a conscious decision to say yes, not no, not in a minute. it’s hard but the payoffs are huge.
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[...] (my mature mom points just keep going up and up with this post), and I came across this – http://www.remodelingthislife.com/2010/01/31/it-wont-wait/. It’s not long and it really hit home for me so read it if you get a chance. I know that [...]
How very sweet!
I really enjoyed this post – a couple days ago I posted a poem that kind of goes along with this thought.
I am new to your blog but have been enjoying your posts. Have a great day!
-Jessica
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Yes, it can all wait…and so why is it so hard to remember that sometimes?
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