I sit here, watching my kids play together – laughing, sharing and learning – and I wonder how it went so fast. Not just the summer, but all of it. I can think back to so many times that I thought the phase would never end – phases full of nights spent nursing instead of sleeping, phases of whining instead of using big kid words, phases of head butting, phases of peeing on the carpet – and now I sit here, in this moment and wonder how all of those moments, all of those phases that seemed endless at the time, slipped away.
How am I sitting here watching two kids play, share, laugh, interact, and enjoy each other?
How is it that 2 weeks from now I’ll be attending open house for Kindergarten for one and preschool for the other?
I can’t even imagine two mornings each week to myself. Yet here it is.
And instead of being happy, thinking of the time I can spend running, talking with friend uninterrupted, walking on the beach, whatever it may be – all I want to do is cry. Have a moment of newborn-ness again. Have a moment of nursing back. Have a moment of falling asleep in mama’s arms back.
Less than two weeks ago, we were still at the cottage spending our early mornings swimming and our evenings spent having meals with extended family and watching the sun set over the lake.
Evenings spent embracing the cold of upstate NY are replaced by accepting the heat of Florida. We’ve settled back in. We’ve headed back to the beach. We’re doing the best we can to simply be and enjoy what we have.
It’s not as easy as I thought it would be. I thought the challenge would be returning home from vacation and tidying and organizing and keeping the house in order, as usual. But that has been relatively easy. When friends call to spend time with us, I remember that soon enough there will be no weekly playdates for my daughter and so we go off to see friends before our time is up. When the kids want to spontaneously go outside to play in the sprinkler and slide down the slide, we go because soon they’ll be restricted to school recess hours.
I don’t know how it happened. How the ease and flexibility of this life so far has come to somewhat of an end. How I went from learning how to hold a tiny newborn to learning how to let go of a kindergartener and a preschooler all in the same day. I don’t know how it went so fast. I just know that if I look back on that day in July 5 years ago that I became mom, it seems like it hasn’t been long enough for this moment to come. I know I have to continue to do the best I can to make the most of these moments. To make them feel like gold, even as they slip away.
Have you considered homeschooling? There’s lots of support in Florida.
.-= denise´s last blog ..Reading: If David were starting Kindergarten =-.
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Emily,
I don’t know if you’ve ever saw this short video, but if you haven’t, it’s so worth the couple of minutes it takes to watch it…
http://www.theyearsareshort.com/
What I see here…you are taking in all these moments…keep doing that…
.-= Lance´s last blog ..Where Is This Journey Taking Me? =-.
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Beautiful!! And I agree wholeheartedly. People tell you that “time flies” and to “enjoy every minute” and I hate it, but it’s true!
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Man, this post is well written – and I have to say is not helping my baby-desire at the moment.
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My oldest daughter was in Kindergarten last year. It was so hard for me having her gone for most of the day. But, the hardest part was when she turned to me on the first day and ask “Why are you leaving me here with people I don’t even know”. I wanted to cry. Now my youngest daughter will start preschool in Sept. She will only go 2 days a week for 4 hours each day. I am looking forward to actually having time to myself. But, I know I will be watching the clock so I can run to school to pick her up.
.-= SoBella Creations´s last blog ..Daisy Scouts =-.
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Girl, you know how to make a grown woman cry!
.-= Jess @ Just a Blink´s last blog ..Grammy’s Nesting =-.
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Emily,
Its almost as if you took the words right out of my mouth. We’ve been following a similar path the last year but you have such a better way of articulating it. My kids are a year or two behind yours but i am already dreading sending my son to preschool. I have only been home with him for a few months and cant bear the thought of him rushing off to school already.
Thanks for always putting my feelings in words and helping to keep me grounded
I’ve loved following you these last few months
Stacy
.-= Stacy of KSW´s last blog ..Back 2 School 4 Less =-.
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So well said.
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It does indeed go by so fast so treasure every moment.
.-= Laura Ingalls Gunn´s last blog ..A lamp and a chair =-.
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It definitely goes by too fast! Good for you to realize to treasure each moment. My oldest is 13, it hurts to know when he was little and being a single Mom at the time… I didn’t realize what I was missing with him. Oh you just put tears in my eyes! Great post, Emily!
.-= Chele´s last blog ..Friday’s Blessings =-.
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this was wonderfully wrote Emily. I also enjoyed the video that Lance referred too. I’m so glad that there are mothers out there that LOVE being with their kids vs. so many others that can’t wait for the first day of school. It makes my heart melt.
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I’ve been there many times Emily, as it happens at all stages. It was only last year that my 12 year old girl would still sit in my lap and now at 13 she’s too grown up for it. I feel like if I blink she’ll be graduating high school or getting married, so I treasure “now” and try not to blink too much
rue
.-= rue´s last blog ..A quick question =-.
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My youngest goes to high school in two weeks. I feel for you.
.-= janice´s last blog ..Alfonsina and the Sea =-.
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This is why I told my two youngest to stay just how they are and not grow up. Do you think they’ll listen?
.-= Alison´s last blog ..What I Made Wednesday: Homemade Ice Cream =-.
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Ah, a new chapter begins! You will have LOTS of new memories to create in the chapters ahead!
.-= Donna M.´s last blog ..August – A Look Ahead =-.
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Not to be glib.. . but maybe you could have another baby.
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Every night when I put my son to sleep, I whisper to him not to grow up too much before morning. He never hears me and by morning he is older and wiser. Me, I don’t even like waste time sleeping. There is never enough time to be with them.
.-= DJ´s last blog ..His First Fish! =-.
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My daughter has recently turned 6 and I’m stunned at how fast time is flying by. How did my precious little baby, turn into the sassy, intelligent, tall girl who is now my daughter? It scares me how fast it’s gone and how soon she’ll be teenager. I relish ever precious moment.
.-= Liz@VioletPosy´s last blog ..Summer =-.
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So well written! I loved this post. It’s amazing how absorbing motherhood is, but it’s a finite experience. Any thoughts about what you’ll do when both your children are in school all day?
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Perfectly said. Just this week I was wondering at all the same things and my son, who is a rising kindergartener, crawled into my lap and I rocked him to sleep. In the same week, my almost three year old daughter told me she was a “big girl” and wanted to wear panties! We’ve tried before, but it was on her own time that it was the right time. Three days later I helped my sister deliver her third daughter, while her husband watched via Skype from Iraq. I gained perspective I haven’t had in years. I am trying to slow it all down so I can remember it all.
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I found your through Tuesdays Unwrapped and then started clicking around a bit. I love this post. Something every mother can relate to – loving where you’re at but longing for one more taste of those early days with a milk-breathed baby. *sigh* Glad I clicked on over. Beautiful pictures, too.
.-= Boy Crazy´s last blog ..taking flight =-.
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