Good Enough
March 19, 2009 at 10:17 am , by Emily
I haven’t been in a very good place lately. Where I was once finding beauty, I’m now finding flaws. What I once thought was just right seems not good enough now. I blog about remodeling, change, improving things around me, and myself in the process. But when am I just going to be still and look around me and think that things are good enough? Don’t need changing or improving. That me, my home, my life are okay just as they are? I don’t know. Maybe all this remodel and change stuff just shows I am not as content as I often think I am. My life is simple and it absolutely is frugal. But if my heart isn’t there, maybe nothing really has changed. When the house projects are done, will I simply sit back and be happy with a mission completed and enjoy it as it is for years to come? Or will we just start improving on the improvements because it’s never just good enough? I may just not be cut out for being still and content, no matter how much I long to be.
Or my vision of what content is could be off. Seeing myself sipping lemonade on a sunday afternoon behind my humble home while my kids play and not ever seeing another thing that needs improving may just be the wrong expectation. Maybe what content is has more to do with being able to immerse myself in the process, enjoy each moment, whether those moments involve changing and improving or not. I am not perfect, nor will I ever be. All the improvement in the world won’t ever result in complete and perfect. I can just look at today and be content with what I am right. in. this. moment. For today, it’s good enough.
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by Vered - MomGrind
On March 19, 2009 at 11:31 am
Emily, I’ve been reading your blog for almost a year now, and I have to say, reflecting back on many of your blog posts, that you are one of the most content, in-the-moment people I know, online and offline. You are often able to just relax, be in the moment and enjoy life.
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by Jaime @ Fast Times
On March 19, 2009 at 12:39 pm
I’m coming to realize, slowly, that sometimes what we picture as what we want isn’t exactly what we were working for, or even really looking for. These ideas we have of what’s perfect and where we should be have a way of getting in the way of us enjoying where we really are.
Jaime @ Fast Times´s last blog post..Pictures Only Tag
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by Emily
On March 19, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Jaime, just what I am feeling like. Thanks for saying it better and in a lot fewer words
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by Sheri
On March 19, 2009 at 1:17 pm
“I may just not be cut out for being still and content, no matter how much I long to be.”
I’ve been struggling with and thinking a lot about this very thing—although I wish I was productively improving my home while feeling this way (haha). I think this is a huge barrier for many creative types, learning to “just be in it” during the creative process. Learning to believe that the confusion, the ache, and the discontent are good signs that you are still seeking and still open to finding beauty every day (even when it’s not available). But that’s as far as I’ve gotten with it…
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by Jaime @ Fast Times
On March 19, 2009 at 1:27 pm
Any time!
Jaime @ Fast Times´s last blog post..Pictures Only Tag
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by Alana @ Gray Matters
On March 19, 2009 at 1:32 pm
I take pleasure in my small moments of contentment. For me I’ve learned contentment is the top of the mountain. Occasionally, I have a great view from the top, but most times I’m making the climb to the top. There’s something special in the climb and I’m thankful for the ability to see where I am on my journey.
Alana @ Gray Matters´s last blog post..Birthday Tutu Shirt
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by Emily
On March 19, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Thank you all SO MUCH for the really well thought out comments here. It makes me feel better and gives me a lot to think about – that these feelings are all part of the process of being and creating.
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by Tony Kolstee
On March 19, 2009 at 1:44 pm
When I first started reading your entry, I identified with your questions as I’ve struggled with the same issues. As I read on, however, I started thinking about this from a different perspective.
There are a few principles that apply to self-work, and most other work in life:
You are using something in order to gain more of it. You must spend money to make money. You use your strength to increase it through exercising. You build upon your current knowledge as you learn more things. You are doing this work not only to gain a benefit, but to keep it. In most self-work, there is no such thing as stopping, only moving backward. The person who decides that they are fit enough and stops exercising will not remain fit for long. Their muscles will atrophy, their metabolism will drop, and all the hard work and benefits that were gained up to that point will be lost. In fact, those who have realized benefits have the farthest to fall. By opening yourself up to happiness and to your own feelings, you’ve become more sensitive and are more prone to disappointment and sadness. This is not a weakness while you’re working as the benefits far outweigh the downside; however if you stop working on these things, that situation could reverse, sometimes with drastic consequences.
It’s also only while we’re doing this work that we can most clearly see the benefits of it. If you are continually pushing yourself and pushing your limits, you know where you stand on your work. Exercising to gain strength and energy? You can most clearly see that energy and strength when you’re exerting it. Stop exerting yourself, and you have little idea of how much energy and strength you have available to you.
There is no such thing as perfection in this lifetime. This turning point that you’re wondering about isn’t a point of perfection, so what is it? “Good enough”? Even removing the negative connotation from that phrase, what exactly in this case IS “good enough”? No matter how much balance you achieve, there will always be something to come along that upsets that balance to some degree or another. How much those things affect you depends upon how much progress you’ve made in making and keeping that level of balance. Since you don’t know what’s going to come your way, how will you know you’ve prepared enough? You may be happy now in your life, but will you be in ten years no matter what happens? You can’t defend against all possible threats to your state, but you can reduce the level of risk further by continuing to prepare.
If you reach “that point” where things are “good enough”, the best thing to do is not make any changes to what you’re doing. You blog about personal improvement, so I can safely assume that at least some of your identity and your life is wrapped up in your endeavors. If you reach a point at which you honestly feel your life is good as it is, this includes the portion of your life that is involved in this work. Those achievements and that work is part of your happiness. To stop work at that point, or even to slow down, is to introduce a change to your life and possibly move away from that point of happiness.
I know earlier that I said there is no perfection in this lifetime, but in another sense you and your life are perfect right now, just as they are. If you believe in fate, then by definition whatever you are doing is exactly what you’re supposed to be doing at that point in time. If you believe in free will, there is no right answer, so asking what’s wrong is a flawed question.
This applies more to your home improvement work than you would think. The home requires maintenance, and for this very reason there will always be work to be done. Your life is also changing, and as it does your priorities and habits will change. You will only be at this level of happiness so long as your external environment harmonizes with your internal one. Your home improvement is a reflection of your inner life, and as long as you work on one, you will most likely need to continue the other as well to maintain that balance.
Lastly, I’ve found in my experience that happiness neither comes from self-work nor work on the external environment. It’s often just a switch of your perspective – how you choose to see things makes a huge difference. I’m not very good at this, but I’m just learning where all the buttons and dials are myself. I wish you much happiness from all your efforts.
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by Tony Kolstee
On March 19, 2009 at 1:46 pm
By the way, a lot of these insights really came together for me as I struggled to put them into words so that I could post the above comment. Thank you for providing the spark that helped me see more clearly what was going on in my own life.
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by Emily
On March 19, 2009 at 4:20 pm
Tony, great thoughts you’ve added to the discussion, thank you!
I think, most of all, I have to remind myself that being content today means living right in today and not worrying about what may change or be improved tomorrow. And desire for change and improvement doesn’t have to mean that I am not happy with what is.
And being happy with what is doesn’t have to mean that nothing can’t ever be changed. What I am content with today may look far different than what I am content with next year and that’s okay.
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by Denise
On March 19, 2009 at 5:34 pm
for me, it is how we define “good enough” because some things are truly “good enough” as in it does not matter much whether it is perfect or not. Other things for me need to be perfect because that is how I want them. It drives my family crazy but they have learned to accept that of me. I don’t think it has really anything related to being content though maybe just patient. everything in due time.
Denise´s last blog post..Must be Wednesday
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by Emily
On March 19, 2009 at 5:36 pm
Denise, yes, patient. I need to be more patient. Thank you!
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by Linda (UK)
On March 20, 2009 at 5:15 am
I think we all need a challenge, then another, then another. Frugality, once established, just needs to be maintained – I just think that as an intelligent, capable woman you now need to focus your surplus energy on something new. Without your kids and home suffering in any way, is there something you can be doing that would be of use in the future if you intend to return to the workplace? Or a course of reading you have always wanted to follow but never had the time? Voluntary work you would like to do? Picture yourself in ten years’ time, when the children are older. Can you imagine looking back and wishing you had used the surplus time/energy on something that would enrich your life in other ways?
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by Getting Organized: Stylish Ideas | The Inspired Room
On March 20, 2009 at 7:30 am
[...] And, last but not least, a great post for pondering contentment, finding beauty in life, and what it all means…Good Enough [...]
by Willo
On March 20, 2009 at 7:57 am
I can completely understand where you are coming from. I think it’s something almost everyone struggles with, and you are brave for sharing. I just want to tell you that I think the only constant in life is change. I don’t know if creating change means you are able to adapt to it, but it’s almost instinctual to want to improve. At the same time, emotions are a great compass. My husband always tells me, “Only go as far as it feels good.” I try to remember this in all my endeavors. And maybe that’s what your soul is telling you right now, that it’s time for a break. To rest and practice contentment until improvement feels good again.
Willo´s last blog post..Green Grab Bag 3.20.09
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by Teri
On March 20, 2009 at 8:18 am
Emily,
I struggle daily with the same issues of what I could do in my life to be “content”…in 36 years, I’ve yet to find it. I pray that you will find your content sooner than I. HUGS – Teri
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by Chiot's Run
On March 20, 2009 at 8:48 am
This is a truly tough place to find. I have found that as I get older I become more content with certain things and I become so much more accepting of flaws.
I do find however that in certain areas of my life I’m always looking for improvement, like my gardening. I’ve always got some new bed to put in, a new plant to try or something that I’d like to have. I don’t know if I’ll ever be content with my gardens, but I’m hoping someday I will. I have been able to find a happy medium for balancing out the work and what I want.
Learning to accept less than perfect has really helped me be more accepting and become content with things.
Chiot’s Run´s last blog post..Three-Bin Compost System
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by A Very Simple Roundup Volume One. | Simple. Organized. Life.
On March 20, 2009 at 9:05 am
[...] Good Enough from Remodeling This Life. [...]
by Kirwin
On March 20, 2009 at 10:35 am
(I’ve started this comment at least 3 times, and I’m having a difficult time finding the right words for my thoughts.)
Striving for better does not necessarily mean dissatisfaction. And it definitely does not automatically make you a “glass is half empty” person. It’s like you said, you (all of us) just need to enjoy the journey, while the changes are happening.
I am striving to be in the moment. It’s something that is very difficult for me. Multi-tasking and being in the moment do NOT go together. Please continue to share your thoughts, as I think many of us benefit from it!
Kirwin´s last blog post..Manifesto of Style
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by Amy @ Living Locurto
On March 20, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Being content is being happy with what you have. It’s our culture to want more… it’s all around us. There is nothing wrong with wanting change though. Doesn’t mean you’re not content or that things aren’t good enough. I think you are probably more content than most of the people I know! Keep it up:-)
Amy @ Living Locurto´s last blog post..Fix-It Friday
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by Judy
On March 20, 2009 at 7:04 pm
I subscribed to your blog a few weeks ago and have very much enjoyed your posts. I, too, am a person who enjoys change. I am fortunate to have an employer with many opportunities so I am afforded the luxury of changing offices every few years without any negative impact. Many of my friends/co-workers do not understand my desire for new surrounding periodically. I don’t see this as being discontent at all. I see each move, or in your case–project–as a welcome opportunity for growth. As Kirwin said, enjoy the journey. If you stop moving, you stop growing. Thanks for your daily contributions to our day.
P.S. Love the photos! Whether they are food, scenery or people, they always make me smile!
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by le
On March 21, 2009 at 1:36 am
wow E you sure tough on yourself … I think you are amazing just as you are
le
le´s last blog post..Let them Eat Cake
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by Shoestring
On March 21, 2009 at 6:28 am
I’ve wondered about this myself and it sounds like a lot of your readers have too! I’ve come to the conclusion that, for me, I have to have a break sometimes but if I don’t have some kind of challenge in life I end up far more discontented than if I didn’t try to achieve something in the first place. Working towards something positive makes my brain feel sharper and puts a spring in my step. And if people keep working towards their personal goals (whether that is a nice home, money in the bank, getting out of debt, a good career, a happy family, health and fitness, learning something new)there can be a great sense of contentment about what they have already achieved when the time comes to step back and take some time out. I totally agree with what many people have said here about things constantly changing and having to adapt. It’s no bad thing really. Maybe the key is learning to be objective, not pushing ourselves to get everything done NOW and remembering to acknowledge how far we have come!
Shoestring´s last blog post..Cutting it fine…
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by Jaclyn DuBois
On March 24, 2009 at 12:28 am
I don’t think improvement is a bad thing, though! Yes, you can be content, but you can also always aspire toward a greater and more beautiful life!
Jaclyn DuBois´s last blog post..Kaizen of the year, maybe…
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by Valentina Pissarides
On March 27, 2009 at 1:16 pm
What a day to be introduced to your blog! Can it be that that stirring inside, to change, to improve, to learn, to grow is in fact what it means to be Alive?
And that contentment is the ability to stop, be silent and become aware of the places we have been that have brought us here and now, the blessings we have here and now and be moved to be grateful?
It is wonderful to find out I am not alone in my struggle to be content and search for beauty and love in this world.
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by Valerie
On March 28, 2009 at 3:43 pm
For me the answer is yoga. It is the only time and place I can really let go. And even then, I don’t always or “perfectly” (there’s that word again!) let go, but it helps. And when I am done, the world looks a little more perfect, or perfect in its imperfections.
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by The Nester
On April 1, 2009 at 2:35 pm
How in the world did I miss this post?
Loving it.
Loving you.
The Nester´s last blog post..Frame It :: Framed Fork
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by Carla
On April 2, 2009 at 1:49 pm
People that are creative types are the happiest when they are creating, And for stay at home moms Our homes are what we look at and live in 24 hours a day. So of course we want to create in our homes and we have many hours to see what isn’t working and to plan on how to make it better. I do not think that people that don’t change anything are more content. They probably have a different outlet for there creative energy that is more important to them. I believe it is a great role model for our kids to see us mothers making our houses into homes and to make it a pleasant place the want to be in and to see us creating, working, and doing the work our selves instead of having to hiring everything done. A can do attitude and to be able to have a nice home on a limited budget is a great life lesson.
I feel that me working on my house is no different then a painter painting ,or someone restoring old classic cars just a different outlet.
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by AnNicole@OurSuburbanCottage
On April 3, 2009 at 10:32 am
I love this. I especially love the part about immersing yourself in the moment, whether that means you’re making changes in that moment or sitting still. It’s not about fretting about getting to a place where things are finally done (and definitely not about making them perfect) it’s about enjoying whatever you’re doing in that moment.
Thanks!
AnNicole@OurSuburbanCottage´s last blog post..Let’s Hear it for the Girls!
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by Andrea
On April 6, 2009 at 11:09 pm
Some people thrive on the process; others prefer the end result.
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by Money Dieter
On May 27, 2009 at 2:17 pm
I forget the process sometimes and strive for the end results. But after the end results, I keep thinking of other end results and I miss out on the present.
Enjoy the moment! As Miley Cyrus sings, “It’s the climb.”
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by 41 Bloggers Share Their Best Money Advice | Squawkfox
On January 23, 2010 at 11:46 pm
[...] Good Enough | Remodeling This Life [...]