Why Weren’t You Watching Where I Was Going?
Many years ago, a friend was walking down the street with her husband and two other friends. She was talking and not paying attention to where she was going and tripped and fell.
She became immediately annoyed and snapped at her husband “Why weren’t you watching where I was going?”
That’s right. Apparently, she thought he should have been paying attention to where she was walking and prevented her from tripping.
Today, we all get a good laugh out of it and use the line jokingly amongst ourselves when one of us goofs.
I think of this line quite often lately because it’s hard to be alive and not hear all about bailouts going on left and right. Seems that a lot of people made a lot of bad decisions, did some stumbling and fell and now are looking around like a wounded woman on the street who just skinned her knee, and asking why no one was watching where they were going. Like everyone else should’ve seen the fallacy of their ways and should now come running to their rescue.
Is this just how things are going to be from now on? Are we setting a new example for everyone to follow that it’s okay to not pay attention, to make bad decisions and not be the one to take responsibility if that decision leads to less than desirable consequences? I am not completely against helping those who really do need it - in fact, I am very much in favor of it. But it seems like I see an awful lot of people who made their own beds and are refusing to lie in them now, especially when big bucks are on the line.
How are people ever going to move upward, onward and do more with themselves when their first reaction after they stumble is to look around and blame someone else? And on top of that see that pointing that finger and taking the responsibility off of themselves seems to actually be working when others are stepping up to clean up the mess?
August 14th, 2008 at 10:10 am
two things:
1) I ran smack into a pole on a date with my husband. He was not my husband at the time so thank goodness that didn’t change his opinion of me!
2) The mortgage industry comes to mind in regards to your post. Please people - you knew going in how much that house was going to cost!
Denises last blog post..it looks like someone might actually live here now
August 14th, 2008 at 10:54 am
Good post. But, I see two points here, one with which I agree, and one with which I don’t. Blame is always wrong - I agree. But letting people make bad decisions (without all the necessary information) is also wrong. Both are harmful to all people in the transaction.
There used to be a time when the community watched out for the community. That time seems to be gone, and I think that is the real problem - everyone is left to fend for themselves. That is nonproductive, inefficient, and against human nature. Ultimately, I think we’re all in this together, and I do think we should look out for each other. I’m not responsible for paying your bills after you trip and fall, but perhaps I bear some responsibility in ensuring you don’t trip and fall. Not just out of compassion, but also self-preservation.
deepalis last blog post..on downshifting and my budget
August 14th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
your story reminds me of one i tell MYSELF every time I feel inclined to look for someone to blame or grouse about someone who is making life difficult for me: a woman goes to her psychologist and complains about her husband, her kids, her colleagues, her best friend, and how these people are making her life difficult in a number of ways. the shrink says to her, “why don’t you bring me all those people, and I’ll fix them right for you. ” yes, it’s true that people have made some pretty big mistakes recently and we are all paying for it. but perhaps this is an example of “learning the hard way” on a societal level? one not dare to hope.
neimanmarxists last blog post..Time
August 14th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
I agree with you. I also think deepali has voiced a truth: that what code of conduct we apply individually is equally applicable to our society, and, I believe, exponentially to all the world. There are many levels, layers, both within ourselves and without. It’s good to remember that and try our best to apply that thinking on all the levels we can. We have individual responsibility and community responsibility and world responsibility. What’s applicable for one is applicable for all. Just the circumstances change; the basic lesson/application is the same. Great post, Emily. Thank you.
Julies last blog post..The Value of Playing with a Tiger
August 14th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
I also think a LOT of people do not think before they make decisions. Something sounds good so they jump. They don’t research it at all (which could prevent a lot of these problems).
FloridaChics last blog post..R.I.P. 1999 Chevy Malibu
August 14th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
I agree very much with this post. But I am a bit perplexed by some of the comments. I find it hard to believe that the 1% of all mortgages now in foreclosure were led there by misinformation or by withholding information about their loans. That’s a lot of lenders out to mislead. I don’t buy it. I think the bottom line is that people got house fever and had to buy a house they couldn’t afford. Maybe their real estate agent showed them a house they couldn’t afford. Maybe the bank led them to believe they could afford it. I have heard so many people say, “Well, the bank pre-approved me for $xxx so they must think I can afford it.” But don’t think I am letting the banks off the hook. They did play a crucial part. Over the last several years, banks have relied too much on FICO scores instead of manually reviewing credit. The bottom line is that everyone involved screwed up. Emily is so right. We are becoming a nation of people who blame others and expect others to bail them out.
August 14th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Thank you all for the thought-provoking responses! I think that without individual responsibility there is little hope for responsibility beyond that and that is why it’s frustrating to me. People don’t have to be responsible for themselves, so how in the world is it to be expected that there will ever be a sense of responsibility for small communities, nations and the world if we can’t start right in our homes being responsible individuals?
August 14th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Excellent post! Personal responsibility is one of my pet peeves. Due to greed and a good measure of stupidity, many people have gotten themselves into a financial pickle. Their eyes are bigger than their wallets and there is little patience for saving and waiting. I don’t feel that it is my responsibility to bail irresponsible people out of their financial hole. When someone makes a mistake, they need to own up to it and its remedy, regardless of how painful they may be. How else is one supposed to learn and practice personal responsibility?
August 14th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
The biggest problem with bailing others out is that many of those people (not all by any means, but probably a lot) will just make similar mistakes again and expect someone to sort everything out for them. You don’t learn if you aren’t involved in the fixing.
Alison @ This Wasn’t In The Plans last blog post..So Many Tomatoes? What To Do?
August 14th, 2008 at 9:53 pm
Right on, Emily. No joke, my favorite post today. Smart, and well said.
By the way, I actually had a girlfriend once that said that to me.
Writer Dads last blog post..Let’s Put Ourselves Together
August 14th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
Like you, I am of two minds on the issue. One thing that hasn’t been brought up in the comments is that while it’s wonderful to look out for each other, you have to start by looking out for yourself. The two ideas aren’t incompatible. Community responsibility is the safety net, personal responsibility comes first always. If we’re not going to do the work of taking care of ourselves, how can we expect others to shoulder that load?
Sara at On Simplicitys last blog post..Five Myths About Simplicity Busted
August 14th, 2008 at 11:15 pm
I couldn’t agree more. Great post!
August 15th, 2008 at 12:32 am
Excellent additional thoughts everyone! Thanks so much for always being here to round out my thoughts so well!
@ Writer Dad, what a compliment! Thank you!
August 15th, 2008 at 9:08 am
Love the post and the story!
I agree that we have a deficit of personal responsibility in this country, and the politicians and lawmakers are all too eager to mortgage the country’s future to bail out everyone who decided they wanted a house they couldn’t afford. Were some people led into a bad mortgage by shady banks/etc? Definitely. Does that mean they don’t have any responsibility? Of course not.
Your story just brings it home for me. Great post!
August 15th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Good one! I’ve stepped in puddles and then snapped at my husband “why didn’t you warn me?” and he just helplessly gestures. We DO look out for each other, though. What’s going to happen when we’re old and senile. Yikes!
Aimees last blog post..Baby Talk
August 15th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
So. We shouldn’t blame others for our mistakes… but apparently there’s nothing wrong with blaming others for making mistakes (and thereby bringing us all down). Our economy is a mess because I’m a responsible person, but that other guy isn’t. So it’s not *my* fault…
Except it is. Because it’s *our* economy, and *our* government.
At the end of the day, we’re still blaming each other. How about we stop doing that, and starting taking responsibility for each other too, in addition to ourselves?
deepalis last blog post..dare to be naive
August 15th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
@deepali - I really do understand your opinion. It’s one I held for a long, long time. Maybe I’m just tired. I wish that resources were being used to help those truly in need and not to bail out those who seem to have asked for it. But then again who am I to determine who deserves it and who doesn’t? You’ve definitely given me much to think about and I appreciate it.
August 17th, 2008 at 4:03 am
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August 28th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
Great post…i am a little late finding it…but i still enjoyed it. i am all about personal responsibility, but i know a few people that fly by the seat of their pants and need other people to grab their arm so they don’t step out into the street and fall!
Thanks for the thought provoking post