Learning Experiences
Today is mine and hubby’s 8th wedding anniversary. Hubby called this morning bright and early from work to chat, say happy anniversary, tell me how fabulous I am and how lucky he is. Okay, he didn’t really say that last part but I know he was thinking it.
He said something during that conversation to the effect of “You probably wish you could take back some parts of the past 8 years”. I know he was referring mostly to our not so great 2006 and his depression. It made me realize that he probably truly does think I wish I could delete that stuff from our life together, to be able to look back on 8 years of marriage and have it all be sunshine and roses.
What he doesn’t know is that I wouldn’t change any of it for anything in the world. The way we learn is through experiencing things, making mistakes, facing challenges and defeating them. A lot of things seem not so great as they are happening but once you come out on the other side and can look back and see the blessing that it was, it changes you. Without going through those things together, I might not have found the place within myself to appreciate what really matters in life. I might not have taken the time to slow down and see how much I was missing in life. I might still be taking for granted the people in my life who love me.
Would I take back our bad year if I could? No. Maybe if I did, I’d be able to say how fabulously wonderful and in love we have always been. I can’t say that. Is that depressing? Maybe to some, but not to me. It’s honest. It’s not earth shattering or heartbreaking to me that my hubby told me just a couple weeks ago that he’s finally feeling really settled, really happy and really in love with me again. Some may gasp at that, but not me. It’s not like I needed him to say that he had lost that for a while for it to be true. I knew it. But just as love can be stifled and hidden by depression, love can also shine through on the other side and now it is.
I don’t expect my life to be perfect and have no bumps in the road. I’d be setting myself up for heartbreak and failure if that was my expectation. I know there will be many more imperfect moments, many more times of sadness and loss and pain. That makes me more appreciative of right now, in this moment that things are really really good. My marriage is strong, my family is stable, we’re financially secure. I don’t doubt I’ll see more bumps ahead in the coming years. What I do expect of myself is to face those challenges ahead positively and with strength. That is the part I can control - how I respond to what life hands me - I can make sure I learn from it and I can keep a smile on my face through it, knowing always how fortunate I am to have what I do.
So on this anniversary, we’re not doing anything fancy to celebrate. We’re just doing what feels right and concentrating on what really matters - that we’re here, together,looking forward to tomorrow.
June 3rd, 2008 at 8:42 am
Happy anniversary!
I know I can’t speak for everyone, but I think a lot of people go through some serious rough patches. I know we did. Living in California was a very, very hard time. Unlike you, I wish I could delete that whole time period from my life. lol Okay, maybe not, but I hate to think back about it.
Have a wonderful day!
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:01 am
Happy Anniversary! How awesome that you can and do look back over the past ups and downs and can look at it with grace and appreciation. So many people don’t take the chance to look at the hard parts of their lives and see what good has come from it, but rather sit in bitterness. I’m thankful that you have seen the beauty of what God can do in and through you and relationships when you take the time to not only perservere through it but are even thankful when you come out of it. Have a beautiful day!
June 3rd, 2008 at 10:09 am
I don’t mean to leave a groupie-style comment, but that was just beautiful. Not much else needs to be said…
June 3rd, 2008 at 10:38 am
Happy anniversary!
I think you have a great attitude towards life.
June 3rd, 2008 at 10:49 am
Thanks. And happy anniversary! I’m starting to appreciate the scary rough patches we’ve been through more. I like your perspective. Regrets are lame.
June 3rd, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Your perspective, wonderful thoughts and all that love will truly make it a special day. Happy Anniversary!
June 3rd, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Happy anniversary to you both Emily.
Marriage is sometimes hard and not always perfect. Not everyone will admit that. Well done to you both and I wish you both many happy years together. x
June 3rd, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Oh what a lovely post! You are doing what’s right - spending it together. I think most marriages go through tough times and it’s part of the course.
From my experience, those with the most elaborate anniversary celebrations often don’t have solid marriages. Nothing wrong with treating yourselves etc, but sometimes people have to make a show for a reason!
Have a lovely day together!
June 3rd, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Happy Anniversary Emily and I just wanted to say I really loved your post today
June 3rd, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Happy Anniversary! I totally understand where you are coming from.
We’ll be 16 years in November. Some days it feels like just last week and some days it feels like a hundred years.
June 3rd, 2008 at 6:16 pm
Happy Anniversary Emily! This is a very moving post, thank you for sharing and for your honesty.
Thumbed.
June 3rd, 2008 at 7:47 pm
I really enjoy the frankness of your posts and have to say I really admire your positive outlook on things. Your blog is one of my favorites to read. Thank you!
June 3rd, 2008 at 8:48 pm
I understand. I don’t think I’d take back my depression even at its worst point. It was awful, but looking back I can see all kinds of things—strange beauties that it brought forth, how it impacted good parts of who I am today, how it opens me to talk about depression with people who feel alone. I wouldn’t like to relive it, but I wouldn’t wipe it out either.
Happy anniversary!
June 4th, 2008 at 7:53 am
Happy anniversary!! We just celebrated eight years this month too! I understand exactly what you are saying because I feel the same way about my marriage. We had some really tough times with layoffs and a move to a new state, but I will say that it made our marriage stronger and it force us to lean on each other. Would I wish some of the stuff that we went through on anyone else? Nope! For us though, I know it was worth it.
June 4th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
Happy Anniversary!
It’s funny, but sometimes the rough times make way for even more precious days.
June 10th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
I’m in the midst of the ebb and flow of life. We are approaching our 7th year of marriage. I like how you were willing to talk about the cyclical nature of love within a relationship and its ok. Most who are in the not really feeling the love stage recommend divorce. We’re going through yet another rough patch right now. The solution is on the horizon but its definetly costly and I’m not quite feeling the love right now. I’m still trying to figure out what constructive thing I can do about that. At some point I’m sure it will come to me. Right now I’m enduring rather than enjoying but life is like that sometimes and maybe it will get better rather than get worse, we can hope anyway.