Comments on: Do Your Kids A Favor By Saying No http://www.remodelingthislife.com/2008/05/30/do-kids-a-favor-by-saying-no/ Simple. Frugal. Fabulous. Thu, 20 Nov 2008 13:33:42 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.3 By: B http://www.remodelingthislife.com/2008/05/30/do-kids-a-favor-by-saying-no/#comment-2263 B Sat, 12 Jul 2008 03:44:39 +0000 http://www.remodelingthislife.com/?p=348#comment-2263 I wish I was told no when I was a kid. I am a freethinker but I wasted so much time being insecure when I was younger. My parents could not say no to me... and I liked to eat. Later in my teens I lost all the weight, and I realize the effects now. I still have to deal with problems from it to this day. I wish I was told no when I was a kid. I am a freethinker but I wasted so much time being insecure when I was younger. My parents could not say no to me… and I liked to eat. Later in my teens I lost all the weight, and I realize the effects now. I still have to deal with problems from it to this day.

]]> By: Flora Morris Brown, Ph.D. http://www.remodelingthislife.com/2008/05/30/do-kids-a-favor-by-saying-no/#comment-2204 Flora Morris Brown, Ph.D. Thu, 03 Jul 2008 21:05:59 +0000 http://www.remodelingthislife.com/?p=348#comment-2204 Thanks for sharing this very critical post. Learning to say no to our children and others is not only important to help them to respect boundaries, but to help us learn to be kind to ourselves. Anyone who depends on someone else's approval for their own happiness is doomed to a roller coaster existence. I gave my children and grandchildren more time than money, and as a result they appreciate their earnings and are thoughtful about their spending (even more so than I was at their ages.) I found that money spent on experiences such as trips and music lessons were dollars well-spent. Things they insisted on having that weren't in my budget or my consciousness such as Jordache jeans (the popular brand when my oldest was a teen) they had to buy with their own money. To this day, my now-38-year-old daughter confides the tremendous letdown she felt when she spent all of her monetary graduation gifts on that pair of have-to-have jeans. I admit that I was not as disciplined with spending on my grandchildren as I was with my own children, but they still managed to learn the value of money and be appreciative, especially as they get older. Thanks for sharing this very critical post.

Learning to say no to our children and others is not only important to help them to respect boundaries, but to help us learn to be kind to ourselves.

Anyone who depends on someone else’s approval for their own happiness is doomed to a roller coaster existence.

I gave my children and grandchildren more time than money, and as a result they appreciate their earnings and are thoughtful about their spending (even more so than I was at their ages.) I found that money spent on experiences such as trips and music lessons were dollars well-spent.

Things they insisted on having that weren’t in my budget or my consciousness such as Jordache jeans (the popular brand when my oldest was a teen) they had to buy with their own money. To this day, my now-38-year-old daughter confides the tremendous letdown she felt when she spent all of her monetary graduation gifts on that pair of have-to-have jeans.

I admit that I was not as disciplined with spending on my grandchildren as I was with my own children, but they still managed to learn the value of money and be appreciative, especially as they get older.

]]> By: 30 Articles that Will Help You Simplify Your Life | Marc and Angel Hack Life http://www.remodelingthislife.com/2008/05/30/do-kids-a-favor-by-saying-no/#comment-2196 30 Articles that Will Help You Simplify Your Life | Marc and Angel Hack Life Thu, 03 Jul 2008 10:10:52 +0000 http://www.remodelingthislife.com/?p=348#comment-2196 [...] Do Your Kids A Favor By Saying No [...] [...] Do Your Kids A Favor By Saying No [...]

]]> By: Lin Burress http://www.remodelingthislife.com/2008/05/30/do-kids-a-favor-by-saying-no/#comment-2116 Lin Burress Thu, 26 Jun 2008 03:29:15 +0000 http://www.remodelingthislife.com/?p=348#comment-2116 I StumbledUpon your post here and couldn't help but get caught up in it. What you're describing here is the "difference between helping and enabling" children. And it's quite interesting to hear from parents of now grown children wondering why their kids are constantly asking for money or "needing" help with bills, car payments, etc because of being irresponsible with their own money and spending habits. It continues to amaze (and frustrate) me the number of kids, teens and young adults who are growing up with the attitude that their parents are an ATM machine, or that the parents somehow "owe" them everything and anything their little hearts desire. I StumbledUpon your post here and couldn’t help but get caught up in it. What you’re describing here is the “difference between helping and enabling” children. And it’s quite interesting to hear from parents of now grown children wondering why their kids are constantly asking for money or “needing” help with bills, car payments, etc because of being irresponsible with their own money and spending habits. It continues to amaze (and frustrate) me the number of kids, teens and young adults who are growing up with the attitude that their parents are an ATM machine, or that the parents somehow “owe” them everything and anything their little hearts desire.

]]> By: Donna Freedman http://www.remodelingthislife.com/2008/05/30/do-kids-a-favor-by-saying-no/#comment-1932 Donna Freedman Thu, 05 Jun 2008 04:42:29 +0000 http://www.remodelingthislife.com/?p=348#comment-1932 I agree completely. In the past few years I've been doing some evening babysitting and am amazed at the way some of these 4- and 5-year-old kids see the world: "If I want it, I should get it." They are utterly astounded when I say, "No." The first time I said it to one little boy -- and incidentally, I said it calmly and pleasantly -- he was speechless for about two minutes. Finally he said, "But I *want* it." My response, also calmly and pleasantly, was: "Well, we all want SOMETHING." That left him scratching his head for some time. Just FYI: What he'd wanted me to do (actually, what he'd *told* me to do) was to climb up on a ladder and remove some of the glow-in-the-dark stars from his ceiling so he could give them to a friend. Uh, no. Here's hoping more parents develop this lost art. Best regards, Donna Freedman I agree completely. In the past few years I’ve been doing some evening babysitting and am amazed at the way some of these 4- and 5-year-old kids see the world: “If I want it, I should get it.” They are utterly astounded when I say, “No.” The first time I said it to one little boy — and incidentally, I said it calmly and pleasantly — he was speechless for about two minutes. Finally he said, “But I *want* it.” My response, also calmly and pleasantly, was: “Well, we all want SOMETHING.” That left him scratching his head for some time.
Just FYI: What he’d wanted me to do (actually, what he’d *told* me to do) was to climb up on a ladder and remove some of the glow-in-the-dark stars from his ceiling so he could give them to a friend.
Uh, no.
Here’s hoping more parents develop this lost art.
Best regards,
Donna Freedman

]]> By: Laume http://www.remodelingthislife.com/2008/05/30/do-kids-a-favor-by-saying-no/#comment-1927 Laume Wed, 04 Jun 2008 18:20:13 +0000 http://www.remodelingthislife.com/?p=348#comment-1927 Hi, I stumbled over to see your I Saw Red pics and found this excelllent post. Raising my kids I said no a lot. Sometimes because I had to, we were on a very tight budget, sometimes because it was the right thing to do for the kid. Never just no for the sake of no though. If I could help it, it was "I can't afford $70 jeans. I will pay $20 and if you want $70 jeans you'll have to come up with the rest of it yourself." Or "No, you can't go driving around with your friends but if they want to come over to our house for the evening, I'll rent everyone a movie and make popcorn." My kids often complained about how mean I was and how everyone else had better, nicer, kinder, more generous parents. (My response was that perhaps those other parents were taking applications for new children and they were free to apply if they so chose) Now, as adults, all doing well, they THANK ME regularly, for teaching them the value of the word "no" and tell me how it's helped them to accomplish the things that are important to them. They see some of their more pampered friends now unable to make anything of their lives now that they are adults and can't say no even to themselves. Great post. Hi, I stumbled over to see your I Saw Red pics and found this excelllent post. Raising my kids I said no a lot. Sometimes because I had to, we were on a very tight budget, sometimes because it was the right thing to do for the kid. Never just no for the sake of no though. If I could help it, it was “I can’t afford $70 jeans. I will pay $20 and if you want $70 jeans you’ll have to come up with the rest of it yourself.” Or “No, you can’t go driving around with your friends but if they want to come over to our house for the evening, I’ll rent everyone a movie and make popcorn.”
My kids often complained about how mean I was and how everyone else had better, nicer, kinder, more generous parents. (My response was that perhaps those other parents were taking applications for new children and they were free to apply if they so chose) Now, as adults, all doing well, they THANK ME regularly, for teaching them the value of the word “no” and tell me how it’s helped them to accomplish the things that are important to them. They see some of their more pampered friends now unable to make anything of their lives now that they are adults and can’t say no even to themselves.
Great post.

]]> By: familyonbikes http://www.remodelingthislife.com/2008/05/30/do-kids-a-favor-by-saying-no/#comment-1909 familyonbikes Tue, 03 Jun 2008 17:33:14 +0000 http://www.remodelingthislife.com/?p=348#comment-1909 We say no all the time! "No - you can't buy that toy." "No - you can't have a bunch of clothes." "No - you can't carry a bottle of soda home to drink tonight." But I think we say yes more often. "Yes - you can play with that stick!" "Yes - you can go climb that tree!" "Yes - you can ride your bike from Alaska to Argentina." "Yes - you can do anything you set your mind to!" My kids have learned over the years to not even ask for all those toys they see in the store - they know we can't carry them with us. We are a family who travels on bicycles, and our children have one small bag for all their personal items - that's it! They know they either need to get rid of something in their bag in order to fit a new item, or they don't get the new item in the first place! It works out very, very well, and our children know how to distinguish between wants and needs - anything they NEED they get. Most things they WANT they don't get. We are now taking off to ride our bikes from Alaska to Argentina and we're sure our boys will learn even more in the 2 1/2 years we plan to be on the road! You can read about our journey at www.familyonbikes.org We say no all the time! “No - you can’t buy that toy.” “No - you can’t have a bunch of clothes.” “No - you can’t carry a bottle of soda home to drink tonight.”

But I think we say yes more often. “Yes - you can play with that stick!” “Yes - you can go climb that tree!” “Yes - you can ride your bike from Alaska to Argentina.” “Yes - you can do anything you set your mind to!”

My kids have learned over the years to not even ask for all those toys they see in the store - they know we can’t carry them with us. We are a family who travels on bicycles, and our children have one small bag for all their personal items - that’s it! They know they either need to get rid of something in their bag in order to fit a new item, or they don’t get the new item in the first place! It works out very, very well, and our children know how to distinguish between wants and needs - anything they NEED they get. Most things they WANT they don’t get.

We are now taking off to ride our bikes from Alaska to Argentina and we’re sure our boys will learn even more in the 2 1/2 years we plan to be on the road! You can read about our journey at http://www.familyonbikes.org

]]> By: Christine http://www.remodelingthislife.com/2008/05/30/do-kids-a-favor-by-saying-no/#comment-1891 Christine Sun, 01 Jun 2008 23:40:53 +0000 http://www.remodelingthislife.com/?p=348#comment-1891 I agree! my parents said no to all those little things when we were growing up (gum in the grocery stores, izod shirts, etc) and it did make me very appreciative of the things I did have, as well as taught me to save my own money for things I really wanted...which also made me really think about their value...did I really want to save for months for one shirt? Thanks for the great post :) I agree! my parents said no to all those little things when we were growing up (gum in the grocery stores, izod shirts, etc) and it did make me very appreciative of the things I did have, as well as taught me to save my own money for things I really wanted…which also made me really think about their value…did I really want to save for months for one shirt?

Thanks for the great post :)

]]> By: Meg http://www.remodelingthislife.com/2008/05/30/do-kids-a-favor-by-saying-no/#comment-1888 Meg Sun, 01 Jun 2008 18:20:39 +0000 http://www.remodelingthislife.com/?p=348#comment-1888 great post. You are right that it isn't easy and frankly, one of the challenges is being a no family in a yes family world. It is exhausting. While the treats are just that- treats- and simply wonderful- it is hard to say no so often- but worth it as they grow. I believe. <a href="http://www.gnmparents.com/" rel="nofollow">GNMParents</a> <a href="http://maine-lymegin.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow">Maine-ly Megin</a> great post. You are right that it isn’t easy and frankly, one of the challenges is being a no family in a yes family world. It is exhausting. While the treats are just that- treats- and simply wonderful- it is hard to say no so often- but worth it as they grow.

I believe.

GNMParents
Maine-ly Megin

]]> By: make money online http://www.remodelingthislife.com/2008/05/30/do-kids-a-favor-by-saying-no/#comment-1886 make money online Sun, 01 Jun 2008 07:54:48 +0000 http://www.remodelingthislife.com/?p=348#comment-1886 Wonderful. I wish everyone posted such great content. Thanks. Sam.... Wonderful. I wish everyone posted such great content. Thanks. Sam….

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