Shifting Money Priorities
I have made my fair share of financial mistakes in my adult life. Most notably would be racking up credit card debt in my late teens and early twenties and taking far too long to really “get it” and eliminate it from my life. I love to shop. That’s my problem. Well, I don’t see it as a problem anymore because not only do I not spend what I don’t really have, but I don’t even spend all of what I do have. A HUGE milestone for me to have reached. I enjoy saving money. When I have to buy something or even sometimes when I just want to have something, I find myself having a harder time parting with my money now than I ever have before. I like the security of money in the bank. I’m even dare I say, a wee bit obsessed with it. I don’t go crazy, I’m still more than willing to participate in little splurges from time to time, but I definitely feel like I have turned a corner when it comes to money.
Hubby has his own set of money things going on. He’s been afraid for a long time of spending what we have, so he’s always sort of had it set up that we only have so much. I don’t know if that sounds worse than it really is. To try to put it so it’s understandable, he’s been afraid of a huge paycheck that because of our habits we never really get to see. His family is very bad with money and has seen hundreds of thousands of dollars spent on useless things, so I know that colors a lot of how he feels. He’s afraid to be one of them – spending every penny he earns and not having more than huge houses full of stuff that never even makes it out of the bags after a shopping trip because there is just not enough room or any real use for it. Yes, that’s really true. Both of his parents do that. Just stuff stacked all over the place that goes forgotten or unused before it even made its way out of the bag.
What I have tried to tell hubby over the years is that only he and I together can control what we do and if we don’t want to live like that, we won’t. But take my love for shopping and you see why he might’ve been afraid all this time. I can understand that he was afraid I’d spend everything and then some. I used to be that way, after all.
He told me this morning over a very early morning chat over coffee that he’s finally coming around to realizing that I am not like that anymore and trusting that we really are coming to a place, a meeting in the middle if you will, where we both value the same things. Saving money for tomorrow. Watching our money grow. Making fulfilling investments in ourselves, our children and our future. He says he’s ready to move toward making more money (it’d be hard to make less) and really kicking those goals into high gear. We’ll see what happens. I know it won’t happen overnight. I do know that it’s a really neat feeling though to finally feel like we’ve both shifted our priorities to a place where we can agree on how to handle this stuff knowing we both value the same things.
I feel that my husband doesn’t trust me with money. I gave him a good reason not to, though. He WANTS to trust me, but I usually disappoint him in the end. I am glad you have reached the place where you have “plateau-ed”. It really helps the marriage.
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Sarah, I think that is very true. It takes time to change and be far enough past the bad money behaviors to regain some trust with it. Just as he’s had to regain my trust on issues, this was one that he had to see in action for a while before he really trusted it was for good. It’s no fun being in that position, but once you’re past it, it’s worth the work you’re doing to get to that better place and move on.
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my husband and i have really reached that middle ground together too. where we realize that we don’t have the same views and habits with money that we did a few years ago. we are finally on the same page in regards to our hate of debt and the incredible desire to get out of it asap.
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I just love reading your blog! We just went through something similar to this as well and are now working together financially. I think it’s easy for couples to NOT work together financially especially when only ONE person is responsible for all the money decisions. It certainly can get out of hand if both people aren’t in tune.
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I think it’s great that you’ve come to an understanding. It’s really a lot easier when everyone’s on he same page.
Manuela
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Isn’t that a good feeling when you both are getting to the same page in your finances? It took us a bit to get there, but once you’re there, life is a whole lot easier!
Good for you for being at that point and for letting go of your old habits. I let go of a lot of mine and I know how hard it is. Congrats on making that progress!
Take Care
LJ
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That’s wonderful! Trust is so important, especially when one of the partners has bad associations with money. Micah has bad associations with not having any money…
I’m really glad to hear that you two are feeling more comfortable about this. Micah and I had a good breakthrough a few nights back which made him feel really good.
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