Remodeling This Life

I’m home.

My head is swirling, my heart is full.

The time I spent in Nashville meeting so many women I admired through my computer screen for so long was just fabulous. Yes, the hotel was amazing. Yes, the sessions were informative. But the best times were the times I sat at a small table with friends having coffee, or lunch, or dinner. The times spent sitting on a bed in a hotel room and just talking with, laughing with, inspiring and encouraging one another.

I heard over and over again from other people how amazing it was to meet some of these people and to feel like there is nothing different between our online selves and our real life selves. Other than that I did hear quite often how glad people were to know I am human when I took my daily afternoon breaks to have a panic attack each day. Or the times that I cried, one time for no reason, and another for a very big reason. I hope it all just showed we are real people sitting here at our computers. We are women who inspire by being ourselves – even when it’s not pretty.

I spent the morning going through my photos. As it turns out, I talked a lot more than I took pictures. There are people I met that I have been waiting to meet for 2 years and then never took a single photo to document it. Sigh.

I did get some pics, though, so here we go. My weekend of bliss documented in some random snapshots, not nearly enough to capture the real moments. I didn’t have my camera out for when I was laughing so hard at dinner one night, that my gut hurt. I didn’t have my camera when I had coffee with someone who didn’t care that I had stumbled out of bed 6 minutes earlier and we shared our hearts. I didn’t  have my camera when big conversations about life and faith occurred. But it all happened and it all was fabulous and I loved every moment.

Emily (chatting at the sky), Edie (life in grace), Melissa (a familiar path)

Edie, Lindsay (living with lindsay) and Kimm (reinvented)

Amy (mom advice) and me

Melissa (the inspired room) and Kimba (a soft place to land)

Emily and The Nester, who are just about the cutest and sweetest sisters ever.

The Emilys

Then there was the Harry Connick, Jr. concert.

Lindsay

and AnNicole (our suburban cottage)

The women we can all blame that I even went to Blissdom, Melissa and The Nester who peer pressured me into going.

you can take up your complaints with them.

As I was driving home from the airport last night, my 2 year old son called me crying and saying “I need you, mama”. I couldn’t wait to get home. To the little ones who tackled me before I even got out of the car. To the husband who was so excited and supportive of my time away and kept things together here at home (other than the washing machine I need to replace today). To my home where I kicked my heels off, grabbed some frozen pizza, curled up on the couch and watched some football, and felt as comfortable as ever.

I leave tomorrow morning on an airplane headed for Nashville to attend Blissdom. Thank goodness I got my panic attack out of the way yesterday because I am too busy today for such things. I have a son who can’t wait for me to leave so he can go to my parents’ house and ride the tractor. Until then, he’s making a mess of the living room with his trains. Which I will have to find time to clean up tonight.

I have a hubby who will be busy putting new tile in the shower tomorrow night since he doesn’t usually get me to leave for 4 days straight so he can do it without me whining that I smell bad from not being able to shower.

I have a daughter who is at school but can’t wait to go on a date just the two of us tonight. She asked if I’d take her out for chinese. So that’s what we’ll do and bring some home for the boys. I’m off the hook for cooking tonight, whew!

And then there is me. Big bundle of nerves me, who can’t wait to just get there and stop worrying about everything.

I got this beautiful necklace in the mail this week from Beki of The Rusted Chain blog and shop. I love it and can’t wait to wear it this weekend.

One last thing before I go try to zip my overstuffed bag shut and make the house acceptable. I am the newest columnist over at Simple Mom and my first article went up this morning. You can find it here. That first photo that I dug out to include in the article completely and totally has me wishing it was summer and I was at the cottage right now. Well, right after I get back from Nashville.

Last week, my 5 year old daughter told my mom, “My mommy always says, ‘in a minute’ when I ask her to do something”. I spun around, looked at her funny, then realized she was right. I realized it again earlier this week when my son came to me asking me to play trains. I was in the middle of cleaning the kitchen. “In a minute, buddy. Let me get the dishwasher started.”

“You can be Nerdock” (his hilarious pronunciation of Murdoch), he said, offering up his favorite train if I would just get down on the floor and vroom trains with him.

Why not? Why am I always putting the other stuff first? Why can I only play when I am done with what I am doing? Why can’t I play trains, get a snack for them, take them for a walk, go outside to push them on the swings RIGHT NOW?

The kitchen will always need to be clean. There will always be more laundry to wash, dry, fold, put away. There will always be errands to run, rooms to tidy, beds to make. The fact is, that stuff gets done. It might get done late at night when I’d rather be sleeping or it may get done during naptime when I’d rather be vegging.

I don’t want to be the mom who always says, “In a minute.” I want to jump up and say, “Yes! I can do that. Now.”

My daughter came to me tonight – she wanted to bake brownies. I told her earlier today we would. My mind raced to the 12 other things on my list I thought I “had” to do, but I said yes. I put what I was doing down, and made brownies, knowing I won’t always have these kid this little.

No more “In a minute”. Childhood won’t wait. If I can be Nerdock and lick the brownie spoon, the other stuff can wait.